Are you finding it difficult to make friends at university? Don’t worry about it, there are hundreds if not thousands of people in the same boat out there who are finding it difficult as well! Not everyone can find a best friend within the first couple weeks of being at university.

Before reading this article consider whether you have followed our friend making tips: Tips on How to Make Friends at University, Tips for General University Student Life and Freshers’ Week Tips for Students; if not it is not too late to start! If you feel you are still struggling or the articles are not relevant to you then read on.

Things to Consider

There may be a few reasons why you are finding it difficult to make friends at university, these could be because…

  • You are unhappy with where you live
  • You are unable to get a good night sleep
  • You feel homesick or are missing friends and family.
  • You are finding your course too difficult
  • Your course was not what you expected it to be.
  • You don’t get along with your room or flat mates.
  • You are finding it difficult living alone.
  • You miss a girl/boyfriend at home.
  • You were ill or missed Freshers’ Week
  • You don’t enjoy going out and getting drunk or clubbing.
  • You are shy.
  • People complain about your hygiene

While some of these are definitely things that can be resolved, some of them are more difficult.

Resolving the Problems

If you are unhappy with where you live, unable to get a good night sleep or don’t get on with your room/flat mates then you can ask your university if they are able to move you somewhere else (if you live in university accommodation that is). Often there will be rooms free in other halls of residence of flat complexes they can put you in. However they will often ask you to wait a few weeks before deciding this, giving you enough time to find out whether you just haven’t broken the ice with your neighbours yet or whether you truly are incompatible.

If you missed Freshers’ Week or don’t enjoy going out and getting drunk or clubbing there are many other ways to meet new people at university, most will have dozens of societies, activities and sports clubs you can join, and these are a great way to meet new people, even if they are just day trips or “Give it a Go” events.

If you are not enjoying your course or finding it too difficult you need to get in contact with your personal tutor, together you can both decide whether the course is appropriate for you. Some courses will be quite boring to start with to ensure everyone is at the same start point! My course didn’t start to get really interesting until the second year! If the course is too difficult for you, then it may well be worth sticking out for the year or seeing if you can get transferred to a similar course you will find easier at the same university. If you are doing a dual honours course you may be able to drop part of it, or if you are doing Medicine or Dentistry you can join the Biomedical Department etc. If worst comes to worst you may decide university is not right for you at all, in which case make sure you discuss it with your personal tutor, parents and university careers people.

If you are feeling homesick or lonely at university, missing a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend or family, then consider getting Skype to help talk to them – also try and get out and talk to your flat mates, neighbours and course friends more or join a club of some kind.

If you are finding it difficult to live alone then try cooking with someone and share the cooking load, try using a planner to work out when you have to do things more and stick to a timetable. It can be difficult to start with especially if you have been chucked into the self catered deep end straight from school! Catered halls are a good way of doing it in 2 stages – living alone then cooking alone!

If you are shy you will have to try and fight it, clubs and sports are a good way of doing this, find people with similar taste to you, even the shyest person can become a chatterbox around the right company.

If multiple people complain about your hygiene, even if they appear to be joking, it is probably something you should take on board! Take a daily shower in the morning, brush your teeth at least twice a day and put on deodorant to ensure you smell clean! A good way to test if your teeth are clean is to lick your arm, wait a few seconds and then sniff! What you smell is what everyone else smells.

Most of all don’t get upset or depressed because you are finding it hard, you will be at university for at least 3 years, just because you haven’t got a friendship group within the first few weeks or months doesn’t mean you are destined to spend your life miserable and alone somewhere.

 

93 Responses to Struggling to make friends or Unhappy at Uni

  1. very sad mum says:

    This website consoled me (a little) to think that my daughter who is hating every minute of university may not be alone.
    It is so easy to feel that we are the only family struggling with these awful feelings
    of despair and disappointment.
    Universities could do a lot more to help the many lonely and alienated young people who are paying through the nose to be there.
    Thankyou for your support
    Sad mum

  2. rene says:

    i found this very useful,but i am the mum of a student who hates his life at uni and especially the course i feel he is just not trying

  3. Miss R says:

    I majorly regret the university I chose for a number of reasons- the main one being that I chose my heart over my head and went to the same one as my boyfriend. My friends told me I was making a huge mistake but I was stupid enough not to listen. On top of that I can’t stand the people I live with, they’re so immature and unapproachable and their unfriendliness has killed my confidence and self-esteem. The irony is that, you’re surrounded by thousands of people at university yet if you’re not an extrovert then it’s near enough impossible to make and maintain genuine friendships. I couldn’t wait to go to university from about the age of 14 but all that excitement was futile and now I’m left reeling about how I could be having an amazing time right now, had I gone to a university I really liked the look of :(.

  4. David says:

    Hi Miss R, I’m sorry to hear that you are unhappy, I share quite alot of empathy with you.

    I had an incredibly lonely second year at university. At the beginning of my third year I made a concious effort to join a club, one that I would fit in to.

    I’m not an extrovert and I’m quite shy, so I had to chose carefully as I am not a fan of competition. Now I’m a member of a club (caving club) that I really feel part of, and my club friends make me feel part of too! Its an unsual sport but its really fun and exciting!

    It can be hard to change things at university, but if you want to find approacable, friendly people then I’d strongly recommend joining a club with similar interests to you, or perhaps something completely different!

    Please feel free to email me (contact us page) if you want to more help/information.

  5. Miss J says:

    I have a lot of empathy for what Miss R wrote. I am about to go into my third year and possibly my last year and chose to go to the same Uni as my boyfriend. I made friends with people I lived with in halls but then didn’t make the effort when I’d settled which I regret a lot. Maybe this has something to do with my boyfriend, I already had that security so why bother? But things have changed, friends have drifted or have had to move elsewhere and now I am left feeling alone and not as happy as I’d imagined I’d feel at this stage in my degree. My friends, boyfriend and parents don’t know I feel like this because I hide it well. Before I came to Uni I thought it would be an easy life of meeting loads of people and having a great social life and lifelong friendships handed on a plate, I know how naive. A plus point though is I am actually thoroughly enjoying my course and am maintaining good grades – if only uni was just about that. Although I wonder what life would have been like if I’d headed elsewhere for a degree, away from my boyfriend (we would probably how met our end), I realise there is no point in my thinking about it or blaming him (not that I actually do) because it was my decision and now entering my third year and learning the hard way I want to try and make the most of it – which means getting involved in some societies and just putting myself out there. I worry though that because I am a third year everyone will have made their ‘cliques’ and I won’t get a look in. But I suppose there is no harm in trying, maybe a great 3rd year will convince me to stay for 4th year.
    If I think about it I am glad I came to the University I did because even though maybe life would have been different, I would have put myself out their from the beginning from knowing no-one, I’ve gained experience without even knowing it, I’ve met some special people and I got to spend more of my life with the guy I love. And I think this has pushed me to consider leaving Uni with just a BA/General degree to not spend another year in the same place just for my boyfriend and to figure out what I really want to do for me.

  6. David says:

    Hi Miss J,

    Thanks for sharing your experience. As I told Miss R it is definitely possible to change your university life around, even during your third year!

    Find a club to join that you will enjoy, it will not matter if you are third year to them, and in many clubs and societies at university age is almost irrelevant.

    You will probably find you are not alone, when I joined a club at the beginning of my third year I was not the only older “fresher” there were a couple other 3rd year students and a second year student who joined as well, I’ve enjoyed my university experience so much here I’m staying at the same university to do my postgraduate degree!

  7. Miss L says:

    I’ve found this page really useful but I’m still worried about not making friends – I am about to enter my second year of university and didn’t make as many friendships as expected in my first year. I have a couple of close friends but everyone seems very ‘cliquey’ and I feel quite unpopular, the problem is I am just not an extroverted person – I’m shy and was so homesick during my Fresher’s week that I didn’t make the most of it/make the effort to form friendships. I don’t really know how to embark upon making more friends to be honest. I hate just having to trail around after my more popular friends and just feel a little bit ignored in social settings. I love university and it is def. an experience worth having but it’s so different from how I expected in some ways!

  8. David says:

    Hi Miss L,

    Thanks for sharing your experience, I am quite sure you are not alone in feeling like that at university.

    I agree with you that people can be very cliquey at university, and it can be quite intimidating, fortunately Freshers’ week is coming round again in October, perhaps this would give you a good oppurtunity to join a club or society as a fresher, you’ll have more confidence being older and having been at university for longer and the people will be much more receptive and less cliquey than at other times of the year or in University Halls or departments.

    Good luck with the rest of your course!
    David.

  9. YMC says:

    What do you mean asking the university if you are able to move to a different room if you’re not as close to your flatmates as you should be? How is that prohibed?

  10. David says:

    Hi YMC,

    If you find you can’t get along with your flatmates at university, and you live in university accomodation, then if you ask (the university accomodation people) they may well let you move to another location. They may want you to try and stick it out for a while first, but likely chance is they will have some free rooms lurking around to transfer you into.

    Regards
    David.

  11. YMC says:

    To be honest I really can’t imagine the accommodation people would prohibit you to move to another room (in a location within the accommodation where you have the whole hall to yourself) for the simple fact that you’re shy and incapable of getting along or make friends with your extroverted flatmates.

  12. David says:

    Its not really a question of prohibiting movement, its a question of whether they have a spare suitable room to move you into, most university halls at popular universities are almost at fully capacity so moving you around could prove difficult, especially in the first few weeks when the university accomodation services are probably having to working at full capacity themselves to deal with all the students moving in.

  13. YMC says:

    David, when you said from your other comment that you “had an incredibly lonely second year”, what was the reason for that? How was it different to your first year?

  14. Dan says:

    I would just like to share a few tips to those socially struggling on their courses. I consider myself a very social person and i’ve never had a problem until i started uni about 2 weeks ago.

    Living at home, i knew i had to make an extra effort on my course. However i found the people very hard to gel with often finding myself on my own in lectures and free periods. A situation im not used to, after having tight groups of friends at school, college and my 1st year at a previous uni. A situation that can make u feel u want the world to swallow you.

    After my mum told me ‘never be afraid to be on your own’. I’ve developed a few tips that can help you deal with this:

    - Consider time in uni and your social life as seperate things. I now treat uni as a day of work making me more dedicated to my studies.

    - Remember the uni day isnt very long (few hours) you’ll soon be back home/in halls.

    - Take in your favourite novels and newspapers to read in the canteen on your frees. I notice a lot of people do this as well. Your not alone!

    - Always join uni socities. I havnt been on my course socials as i havnt found anyone specifically to go with. However i have been on a lot of my society socials as everyone has something in common!

    Despite my course being a bit of a let down on the social front, i have still made my short time at my new uni so far very enjoyable. I have many friends outside of my course who i see in the evenings and im now more dedicated in my lectures than i was before.

    I hope this helps the thousands of students in a similar position and those even thinking of dropping out because of it. Im sorry this dosnt solve the problem but it helps you cope with it. Be strong and remember that time spent alone needn’t ever be time wasted.

    Good Luck

  15. Miss Indigo says:

    So I’m a second year at university and I commute from about 30 mins away by car.

    This year it’s started to bother me a little that I haven’t made any friends at university. (There’s only one person I met in first year, but she’s since changed some classes so I see her very occasionally.)

    I don’t drink so feel really out of place at the evening events that run (I didn’t go to Freshers) and feel a little terrified at the thought of joining a club where I don’t know anyone.

    I’m contemplating moving out in third year to somewhere near the university (though I’m really anxious about leaving home which is partly why I haven’t as of yet).

    I think it’s a little too easy for me to go to classes and just come straight home but I find the thought of walking up to someone and talking to them a little daunting (particularly when I’ve tried this in the past and mostly been blanked).

    And too easy to say, well classes are in the morning and clubs/activities are in the evening, so I can’t really go can I?

    Just needed to put this all somewhere…

  16. Martin says:

    Hi guys,

    I am in the same situation as most people who have commented on this blog. Originally I was accepted to read history at the University of York and I was extremely proud to have accomplished getting into what was then a top 10 University. Unfortunately as a rather shy person I found the whole fresher’s experience overwhelming. In my first night at halls I withdrew within myself as my housemates started playing strip poker and asking questions about our sex lives, something I said I thought was private which resulted in many of the housemates keeping me up all night with cherry knocking on my door at 2/3/4am, sticking speakers up to my door and playing music at full volume into my room at 2/3/4am and lobbing bottles at the roof which kept me awake because the roof was my ceiling. I remember that the whole uncomfortable experience shredded what confidence I did have to make friends with these people and within the week I had asked the student accomodation services to move house which they rejected so I had to transfer back home to Plymouth where I have lived with my parents and commuted into Uni ever since. I started the degree at Plymouth after freshers so everyone had their friendship groups cemented and every time you try to make new friends you are treated as ‘that guy in the lecture’ and blanked once the lecture is over. My first 2 yrs at Plymouth have been lonely. I have gone to clubs/societies but again I have been unable to make friends largely because friendship groups already exist with older students and new recruits go to the clubs with friends hastily made at halls. It is strange since I have friends from school, at work, at my sports club and get on well with people of all ages outside of uni. I am in my 3rd year now which I will treat as work and not stress myself out about making friends when I have less than a year to go before graduation. I would say that in my experience I think I was unlucky at York as I was an introvert amongst extroverts, and with Plymouth I think I came to the uni not really thinking I would be studying there and living at home so I was again overwhelmed, shy and slightly depressed. I arrived late so it has been a painful experience of having to try to make friends when others are not looking for them and each time you go into seminars and ‘group presentations’ are the order of the day I feel physically sick as all the friendship groups work together and myself and a few others are left staring blankly at the lecturer, knowing that you look like a complete social recluse. What I would say from my experience is that I realise I can work and go about my daily routine on my own and that in my situation I think I am suffering the curse of the ‘late arrival’ who it seems needs to be a big extrovert to muscle in on tightly knit friendship cliques. I always try to smile and start a conversation, never appearing too pushy and desperate, and to some extent I have made a few aquaintances, but in terms of friends, no I can’t say I have made any at Uni, which is sad but I know that I am not alone and the University system should really focus less on the happy hour drink culture of its SU’s and more on the unhappy almost invisible students who turn up for lectures and go back home or to their rooms depressed and isolated. More definitely has to be done on the part of the university itself, particularly as we pay extortionate fee’s for a program of study that has been dragged out to 3 yrs for financial gain. As for me I think University has scarred me to an extent in terms of my confidence but I am not going to give up on the basis of a negative experience so I am currently thinking about enrolling on a post grad degree at a university away from home (maybe not as far as York this time) but away from the routine that currently makes me feel like a school student rather than an independent university student. All I can say is learn to be comfortable on your own, and keep on trying to make friends. Look forward not back.

    Martin

  17. Ta says:

    Hey. I’m one of those people who tend to be a bit shy until they get to know somebody. I’ve been at uni for two weeks now, so far, I’m good friends with my flatmtes, but I’m struggling to find friends in my lectures. It seems as if everyone is already in a a group, and I meet people and then they disappear off into their own groups. Am I overeacting or does it take a long time, eg 1 month to see whether I can have more friends?
    PS: I was comforted when I read Dan’s comment. Thank you.

  18. kyle says:

    When I read this article, and even some of the posts, I immediatly thought of myself. I am a shy person, I didnt go to freshers week because my “close” friends didnt want to, a decision I regret. I am in third year with practically no friends made at the university, just the occational person you talk to, how do I turn this into more then that? My biggest problem is not knowing how to start out a conversation and waiting for people to start it for me. How do you start a conversation with someone you know nothing about? I just recently started a new program so it is like i am in first year all over again, I was hoping to make new friends in this program but so far no luck, any tips? thanks.

  19. Jayne says:

    Its hard as a parent when your child gets into a top uni and they ring home sounding anything but happy. Perhaps the build up to starting uni is better than actually being there, I don’t know as I didn’t go to uni. I think for mothers its a little like taking your child to start school, they might cry and want to hang onto you. A grown up child is just as likely to complain to mum first if they don’t feel happy. As perents perhaps its a case of ‘tough love’. It might make it a bit easier if students try and accept that uni will not tick all the boxes all of the time but then again nothing ever does!

  20. dee says:

    My daughter in in her third year and hated the first year,felt lonely,and rang loads of times saying many of the mentioned things.Her friend went with her from college and left after 3 days so that was doubly hard.How she stayed I do not know but she did and has made some lovely friends ,but it took a while.

  21. M says:

    after reading this article and the posts on this page, i felt slightly better that i’m not the only one feeling this way. i’m in 1st year and although i’m friends with some of my flatmates and coursemates, the friendships dont feel as strong as when i was back in college and high school. back then i was had really close friends who i knew inside out and they vice versa. over here, the friends are those who u see in lectures, to do coursework and maybe go out for lunch. other than that, i seldom see most of the friends in my course. i do have 2 close friends who i made here but that is about it. each time when there is a holiday such as christmas and chinese new year, i seem to spent it alone as each of my coursemate friends have different plans with different people. many of my friends have also went on trips around the UK while i’ve not travelled much with friends. sometimes i feel the friends i’ve made in my course are those who only come to u when they need help with work related to the course. this also applies with my flatmates who each have different plans with different people. i have joined my uni’s photography club but the club is very inactive and so i’ve not made friends with people who share the same interest. finally, i wrote what i’ve been feeling for the past 2 days. (chinese new year eve was yesterday and i spent it alone because my friends each had different individual plans)

  22. Miss JA says:

    Hi all
    Just wanted to say that most of the people on this haven’t been at uni for long and I remember in my first few weeks of university I was in the same position.

    I was really good friends with this girl who I met on facebook on a freshers site and we became really good friends. She became good friends with my flatmates too and then suddenly started going out with them and not with me, coming round and spending her time in my flatmates rooms. Then when it came to actually finding a house and I couldnt get the money together in 24 hours (ridiculous) and also after she said she’d stick with me as i was the original friend but she went off and got the house with all my flatmates leaving me with NOONE. Which TOTALLY scared me…

    Now though, I made friends with a girl from my course who I’m going to be living with next year. However, she has loads of other friends everywhere which she knew before she started uni. I feel like I’m relying on her and I don’t like it because I don’t even really like her that much (two faced and bitchy etc). I also think she has some kind of problem with me having a boyfriend as she spends most of her time trying to pull which I obviously don’t take part in. I feel like my relationship status is getting in the way too and that I give off that “taken” vibe.

    Ahhh it’s all so hard… it’s nearly the end of this uni year (my first) and I’m just really disappointed with how its been…

    Sorry that was longg!!:( xxx

  23. RB says:

    Hey guys
    Just wanted to share my experiences with you all. I had a very strange first year that was either amazing or hideous. As a fresher, i moved into halls being really excited to make new friends, as I have always been an extrovert and was popular in 6th form. However, I found that most of my flat mates didnt speak english :( which made it so hard. Only 2 people out of 12 went out for freshers and i felt so alone, as the other guy from my flat really clicked with all the guys from the halls next door on the first night. I tried to make friends with the girls, but found they were really clicky. One of my first friends i met in a que, seriously, try it: it works! and i hung out with her and another girl for a while, but then those 2 became really close and i felt left out. When it came to applying for housing next year my friend (one of the previous mentioned) wanted me to live with her and her 2nd year flat mates, however, one of the girls, who was really mean said she didnt want me to, which was awful. So i organised to move into private halls in town with a friend from my course(who is now unfortunatly not coming back to uni as she is pregnant) and have since met other people who will be living with and have made close friends with one girl inparticular- now I CANT WAIT til next year!!!! I survived the rest of my first year through friends i made through my course and societies and the majority of it was ok :) I even made good friends with the ‘clicky’ girls in the halls next door and went out with them all the time, even though i felt crap cos they were all closer to eachother.

    I hope this shows people that even when the world is working against you, you can still make friends.

    I also reccomend anyone who doesnt like their accommodation to move. I wish i had. I tried, but the accommodation officers were absolutely useless and told me i hadnt had time to ‘settle in’, by the time i was allowed to move, others had already moved halls and the only spaces left were with 2nd and 3rd years. Its just that its easier to get closer to people you live with, which made it hard for me when it came to choosing housemates for next year.

    Also, remember, that your there to do a degree, making friends is just a bonus. But HAVE FUN, go out and talk to people, even acquantances, they dont have to be close friends!

    I kept thinking that through my 1st year, and it got me through!

    RB
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  24. EI says:

    Hey all,

    I have spent 6 days at University so far, and to say the least i am not exactley have the greatest time like everyone says that Uni is.

    when i left home i didn’t exactly have many friends, they are all still at college and have boyfriends, and i never really got into their Drinking culture, so i drifted from them.

    I thought that University was the break i needed, but so far i haven’t really met anyone. I found people on Facebook before i came but they are in a different building to me, so i find it hard to say anything to them.

    As for flatmates and course mates i am finding it hard to talk to people, i can have a conversation with flatmates for ten minutes or so but they allways go back to their rooms, and i feel like they are not engaging in what i am saying, and like what most of you have mentioned they all seem to be clicky

    I am different from them since out of 8 of us there are 7 girls (including me), they are all into the same thing, however i am more on the Tomboyish side, thought i was getting somewhere when we went out on an indie night, but the 2 girls i was with decided to leave since it wasn’t their thing and left after half an hour.

    i have found one girl on my course who i get along with, but she Comutes, so she is not on campus. Every time a lecture says find someone you have never spoken to it allways seems like people have imeadiatly found someone leaving me there to look like i am actually taking part somehow, by talking to this girl i have found.

    I have signed up to a society but haven’t been yet so i don’t know what the people there are like.

    I am not sure weather i should move to a differnt flat or not, or weather it is me who is too shy and incapeable to make friends,since i have allways found it hard to.

    Thanks, :)

  25. David says:

    Hi El,

    Sorry to hear you are finding it difficult, don’t worry you are not alone the popularity of this page in the last few weeks has absolutely sky rocketed as people struggle with the uni experience. Just stick with it, and I recommend going to that society they are often a good place to make friends. If you aren’t into drinking much then look for quieter socities that perhaps are not into that kind of thing, the walking club for example usually attracts quieter people than the rock society!

    Best of Luck
    Dave.

  26. EI says:

    Hi David,

    Thank you for responding to my note, i knew that some people were having problems but i never really knew how many!

    I have taken to the Badminton society, so hopefully they are sociable but not to drink oriantated! So i will definatly give that a try.

    As for Flats i will probably give it the weekend and see how it goes if it is still the same i may just enquire about moving to somewhere else :)

    I will stick to my course and see how many people i wil meet, there are many people in the Buiness school so there must be someone i get along with. :D

    Anyway, thankyou for replying. I will definatly carry on with it as it is only freshers week and nothing has really started yet!

    Thanks again

    EI

  27. David says:

    Hi EI, I hope your first couple weeks at uni have gone well, if you do read this in the future let us know how things are going on.

    Best Wishes
    Dave.

  28. Aidan says:

    Hi

    Ive been at my uni for over a month now, and all I can say is, it hassnt been great. Ive been so depressed because all my close friends from school and college, i had to leave them all behind.

    When I got here I thought I was going to get on with people as I like to go out drinking and socialising with people. But my confidence just wasnt there and I havent made friends at all here.

    I know my housmates and neighbours, but everytime they go out they leave me behind without telling me anything. And I feel so alone on my course because everyone seems to have a friendship group already and Im left out.

    There are 45 ish people on my course and they all seem to know each other. For two years I had one class with about 8, and we all got really close lke a family.

    Now Ive left them all behind and for some reason I cant make friends with people,Ive tried I really have, and my confidence has just gone. I know its only been a month, but if this is what its going to be for the next 3 years, I cant live like that. I ‘ll have to pull out, I cant be alone for that length of time, even if the course is brilliant and just what I wanted…

  29. JC says:

    I have been at university for around a month now. Everyone else on here is pretty much saying about not being to get on with people. I am quite opposite really, I have been able to get on with my flat mates and people on my course and go out and am involved in social activities. My problem is that I don’t really feel like I am really learning on my course, I just don’t seem to be taking anything in and find lectures and seminars extremely boring. At the same time I am very homesick and think about it a lot during my time at university but this is also now affecting my health as I feel I am getting depressed and it is making me feel physically ill and for the past few nights I have managed just a few hours sleep each time. Both my parents believe that it would be a mistake to leave and think that I would only be stuck in a ‘dead-end’ job if I went home. I have been trying to make a decision on whether to stay or not but I just can’t come to one. I don’t want to go home and then regret not staying on and thinking of what I could have achieved but at the same time if I am not liking the course the likelihood is that I won’t do well on it so the 3 years I spend will just be a waste of time and money.

  30. Miss B says:

    I just talked to my sister who is at uni and is struggling, she is set on leaving when she has only had about 5 weeks there. I really hate being at home knowing that she’s unhappy and her main problem is that she doesn’t feel like she is making friends. The people in her flat are weird and stay in their rooms the whole time and three of them don’t even speak english! She has put the form in to change flats but there is a big wait so she has to deal with that. She’s not a shy person and she’s not weird or special either and she really thinks she is doing loads to meet new people but they all seem weird and like bad influences and she just doesn’t get on with them. I don’t know what to do to help her

  31. Rachel says:

    Hiya, I am in the similar position as most people above me.
    It will be my 8th week at uni from Monday and I am not really enjoying the uni experience. I have made 2 friends from my course, one who is repeating the year and the other who is in her second year. The girl who I am closest with out of the two has introduced me to her friends and I have been out with these girls about twice now. But it is hard because they introduce me to their friends who introduce me to people in the 2nd year. When they graduate, I will be left with no friends.
    I was on holiday when freshers began so I missed out on the experience of making new friends and joining societies.
    This week I have cried so much at uni, I’ve been so upset! There are unis that do my course near my home but they are not as good as the one I am at now.
    I love my course and the career opportunities but I am hating the social aspect of uni life.
    I am thinking of making some changes before it gets too late, such as taking up a sports activity or joining a society.
    I don’t know who I will live with next year, the girls in their 2nd year said that I could live with them which is nice of them but I feel I should make friends in my year otherwise I will be so lonely in my third year!
    There is a train that goes to my uni from my hometown but it would take 2 hours in travel time. I have to go to uni for 12 hours in a week and I don’t think I could cope with travelling although it would save on costs.
    I feel so lost right now, I come home every weekend but then have to return by Sunday/Monday and sometimes I just feel like not returning :(

  32. David says:

    Hi Rachel,

    I’m sorry to hear your uni experience isn’t quite going the way you hoped.I wouldn’t worry about what year people are in, yes they will leave earlier but you can still have a good year together! Having stayed at the same uni to do my undergrad and PhD I know the feeling of one minute being surrounded by friends and the next having them dotted over the country, don’t worry about it you can still keep in touch and viist them at weekends. If you join a club as well I’m sure you will rapidly make friends as well, perhaps consider one like the walking club where lack of experience will not be an initial problem when joining late in the term, saying that, most clubs will cater for a beginner whenever they join!

    Good luck
    Dave

  33. Rachel says:

    Hi David,

    Thanks for replying. I will try to put more effort into making friends by joining some sports clubs this week. I have briefly discussed how I feel with my family but I don’t want to worry them by saying that I am not enjoying it at all. They did not want me to move out of home. My mum insisted on me finding a uni close to home so that I could commute everyday but I did my research and did not like the sound of the unis around where I live.
    I feel so happy when I come home at the weekends and when I go back to uni, I feel depressed again :(

  34. Eliza says:

    I’m having similar feelings about uni;I’m hating it. I struggle with anxiety and everyday getting to school and through crowds is such a struggle that I always have to run to the bathroom to ease my nerves. I live with my parents because my school is about half an hour away so I take the bus, and while I’m on it I can feel the anxiety building and when there are many people I start to internally panic and try to hide it so it doesn’t surface. I wanted to take a year off before starting but my family told me not to, for I would bring shame to the family. I’m the only girl out of 4 boys- and only one to get admitted into university and the pressure is all on me. I don’t know how to handle this and I’m finding myself skipping classes, a kind of behaviour I can’t afford doing. This is how debilitating it’s gotten that instead of taking the faster root to school, I take the longest bus root get off and walk 15-20 minutes in order to avoid being on a packed bus. I’ve also failed to get things done like getting my student card and paying my tuition on time because I don’t feel like it’s worth it…
    My friends and I have gone our separate ways and I feel so alone. I feel and look like a mess- I’m hideous. I just don’t know what to do. Things just keep on getting worse. Although I enjoyed the tips, I just find it hopeless.

  35. Elle says:

    To everyone on here who has posted about problems with friends, flatmates etc – I’ve been through it, I was at uni last year and didn’t feel I had really met anyone other than my flatmates.. I thought about it so much and it got worse and worse and I developed depression. I decided by christmas to stick out the year but move uni’s at the end. Although I was so sad/depressed etc, and I dont regret my decision to move, I have ended up with two best friends for life from last year, who I only really started to get on with after christmas. This is why I’m not too worried this year – people focus so much on now, but it’s such early days – people may seem cliquey from the outside but just say hi, they wont be horrible and remember they’re just like you! friendship groups change all the time – I just want to tell people to be proactive and if you feel crap, as easy as it is to do, dont sit in your room and cry – join a club – it seems pointless and a lot of effort but seriously do it, if I had been more proactive last year I really feel things could have been different

    This year..I had (what I thought) was a great freshers – got on with my flatmates straight away and seemed to meet loads of people..however I’ve since realised that my flatmates are cliquey and bitchy, and all they ever want to do is drink and go out – it all seems very fake, as much as I like going out it’s nice to just hang out and not drink, but I have a couple of lovely people that I’ve met, thats what’s important

    I have friends on my course..well I go to lectures with them, I’m just not really sure how to hang out with them more to be honest – I dont really have money left to do anything and I only ever see them at lectures and inviting them round here or going round to their’s would be weird.. i dont know what to do, any advice?

    And about course friends – obviously like I said, I have made some friends but not close ones, just to sit with at lectures but remember – you’re going to be with these people three years! there is plenty of time, just make sure in seminars and stuff you say something to them – gradually, over time you’ll start to get to know each other – and in second year the numbers get smaller and everyone gets to know each other a bit better – seminars are much better to meet people than lectures so focus more on them to find people!

    One more thing to say – uni is built up so much and so many people go on about how great a time they’re having, you dont realise how lonely everyone gets sometimes – and they do, they just might not show it, also I dont think it’s too important to have a ‘group’ at the end of the day it’s much nicer to have even one genuine friend who you can hang out with and really get to know rather than these huge, fake groups you see around – a lot of those friendships will never last, trust me, I’ve seen it happen!

    • Alice says:

      Hi Elle,

      I came across this as i am in such a bad place at uni right now and i really want to leave. I love the course and the subject i am studying but i am hating uni life. I feel like i have no friends and I’m the type of person to have that one close friend and i haven’t found that person yet. My dad passed away 18 months ago, i have a boyfriend and i am finding everything just so hard right now. I read your comment and you said you moved uni’s? I was so happy to get into the uni i got into it was amazing for my subject and i know my mum will be disappointed if i leave but i just can’t seem to stay there. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. i have a good uni near me (not as good as the one as i am at now) its about 20 min/half hr drive from my house so i could live at home. I am just about to go into my last term in my 1st year so i feel as i have given it a long time and nothing is working out. are you pleased you moved uni’s? did you find it hard to make friends?
      Thank you
      Alice

  36. EI says:

    Hey Guys,

    Just wanted to let all of you know that things do get better. Sometimes it takes time to find poeple that you click with, but belive me it does happen.

    In the first couple of weeks i have spoken to people who were sat by themselves.Or stood outside the room when they are on their own before the lecture starts, so that i can walk in with then and ask to sit next to them and start convosations.

    After doing this for the first two weeks i have found some people that i really get on with, and i am carrying on developing those friendships

    now i have a small group of people that i can potentialy go clubbing with. and people that i can go shopping with. or walking to lectures with, and maby live with next year.

    As for flatmates, it’s neither good or bad. I am living with them, i get on with them and civil to them we have our ups and downs.

    They’re still are really clicky but they all do the same types of course, there is one that doesn’t but she is uasually in the flat bellow with some of the people on her course.

    Just remember they can put you in with people that you wouldn’t usually have in your friendship groups, but as long as your pleasent and can get along with them thats fine. i find it’s my course that i find the people that i really want to be around.

    Take it from someone who is quite shy and take alot of time to get use to things, and a tad bit socialy awkward

    after starting uni my confidence has grown and a little less scared to talk to people. Feeling better about semester 2 now,now that i know how to talk new people.

  37. Missy says:

    My first two years at Uni were a bit of a nightmare. My first year, I moved into halls and – while I got on relatively well with my flatmates – I felt I didn’t really click with them. I was not into the same things as they were, which personally didn’t bother me at all, but they were the ‘clique’y type so it bothered them. Luckily, I had a fair few friends outside of halls that I could go out and ebjoy myself with.

    Despite my gut instinct about my flatmates, I agreed to move in with them when they asked. This commenced my second year and the worst year of my university life so far. The clique mentality only increased and I could feel them shutting me out, to the extent where they would leave the room when I spoke, as well as bitching about me when they got back from nights out. I don’t know if they thought I couldn’t hear, but it hurt a lot. I don’t know what I did to deserve any of this; I have always tried to be as polite and friendly as possible. Needless to say it really brought me down.

    As a result, I built a really strong bond with the people I didn’t live with, be they people on my course or friends I knew before I came to uni. It was through the latter that I met the girl who is now my flatmate. We get on amazingly well and have such a great time together. It’s my last semester now and it’s been the best year yet. My only regret is not realising quicker that the people you meet in halls don’t have to be your future housemates.

    My tip for people struggling with their halls or housemates is to not see them as your only oppurtunity for a social life. There are plenty of societies you can join and most people on your course will be willing to chat. If you have a spare hour between one lecture and the next, try asking someone you’ve struck up a conversation in lectures or seminars with if they want to go for coffee.

  38. Mr. B says:

    Wow. I’ve just come across this website and I can’t believe how much of what people have said is also true for me. I have never posted on a site like this before but I’d like to share some of my experience so far.

    I am a fresher still at the moment, just started my second semester. Unlike almost all other freshers at my uni, I am living in private halls. All my flatmates are second years from the other university in the city, and already know each other and have their groups of friends. (The reason I am in these private halls is because at the time of sorting out the accommodation, I couldn’t afford the deposit. I come from a very poor background so my parents couldn’t help and I didn’t have enough EMA saved up. I explained my situation to the university accommodation people, but they were unsympathetic. By results day in August, I had managed to save up enough to pay for my accommodation deposit, train tickets ect, but the university could not offer me any were to stay (+ they made me wait 3 days to tell me that!). With uni starting just under 2 weeks later, it was a very stressful and difficult time trying to find somewhere to live. I think I got the last private accommodation room in the city.) But anyway, I was alone in my flat for most of the first week, and so I ended up missing freshers week. When my flatmates finally arrived, I got on with them all ok and I’ve even being out with them a few times. But that’s pretty much it for social interaction. I am always sat alone in lectures and only really have acquaintances.

    Like other comments have suggested, I have joined a walking (and other out-doors-e-stuff) club and really enjoy this. So far, the people who I’ve met within that, I get along with very well, but outside the club, I don’t really see them.

    I would really like to have some friends and people to hang out with but I don’t have anyone at the moment. The time has just about come were everyone is beginning to look for somewhere to live for next year. Unlike many of the people above this post, the city I am in has many private accommodation halls so I can easily get a place there. But, the uni has ‘around 100 places for continuing students’ so second years can stay on in them. I have the booking form in front of me now. I think this will be the best option for me. I will be put with other second years all from my university. I hopefully might be able to make friends with them. I missed the freshers experience this year, maybe I can do freshers next year?
    I am concerned that by now, friendship groups have formed and I will not be able to break into any.

    I have read every comment above this one and can genuinely empathise with everyone’s situation. It’s so sad to know that people like us will exist at every university in the country. Like one of the above posts says, university union’s need to do things more to help people like us, instead of just focusing on the drinking aspects and the people who already have friends.

    As I am only just over half way through my first year, I’ll try to stay positive and hope things will get better in the future. I genuinely hope that the situation for everyone above who has made posts in the past did turn out to be more positive or will be more positive in the future. I wish everyone who has posted and everyone who reads this page the very best for the future.

  39. Miss L says:

    I am so happy that I came across this site because I have been feeling exactly like this for a while now. I’m in my first year at the University of Manchester and I feel a bit lonely. Back home I was always the social, outgoing bubbly kind of girl but here its different and hard. I like going out clubbing etc. but the people you meet on nights out are drunk and you will never see them again. I hate my accommodation, it is full of weird people, I have tried to talk to them but they don’t seem to go out or be as social as me. My flat mates are lovely, but it seems as if they are the only people I know and if they don’t want to go out I have no one else. I really don’t know how to go about making friends. Any suggestions? Like if i do sports will it help do you think?

  40. David says:

    Hi Miss L,

    A sports club may well help you find some more friends, I would try out a few and see which ones you fit in to the most, there are still cliques in sports clubs so it may still require quite a bit of effort to make new friends. Have you tried talking to the people on your course, they may also be a good place to try and make friends – they may also have a similar outlook on life to you.

    Best of luck, there is plenty of time to find friends, age is not a particular issue at uni and you may find you make friends with people in the year(s) below you or above.

    David.

  41. Gary says:

    What most people are saying on here is the story of my uni life!. I’m a 19 yo old guy whos just started my 2nd semester at uniand I’ve found it really difficult to make friends. At school, I was really quiet and virtually said nothing as i had social anxiety. I kept telling myself uni will be different. Freshers was OK, nothing great though. I met a few people who I had a drink with. I had also vowed to lose my virginity and get my 1st girlfriend at freshers, which I never came close to doing and still never have since. (Though, I’d say I’m quite good-looking, slim, fit etc.
    Most nights when I go out I text the people in my halls who ALWAYS reply saying their staying in. I do like to go out for a drink and would go to clubs but I have no one to go with.
    I just go to the pub and stand at the bar myself, and see groups of students coming in and going upstairs to the nightclub with their bf/gfs or mates. I never joined any clubs, and feel it would be really stupid to join one now. I do talk to people on my course, in lectures etc, but don’t ask them out as they all have their friendships and cliques in their own halls. Accommodation for next year is a real problem as I have literally NO ONE who would consdider living with me.

  42. David says:

    Hi Gary, don’t feel it is stupid to join a club just because your in your second semester! I joined a club at the beginning of my third year of uni, and had a great time! I then met my girlfriend there when she joined the year after, its just about finding where you fit in, where you feel comfortable – not every club will make you feel relaxed, you have to find the one that will, don’t let pride get in your way either ( not that you would) even if you think a club sound a bit geeky, if thats what you enjoy then join it!!

    Best of luck, feel free to post back here and let us all know how things have gone.
    Dave.

  43. Gary says:

    Hi Dave thanks a lot for the advice. I have joined 2 clubs and really got on well with the other people even in the first meetings, though the meetings are only once or twice a month.
    As I’ve said before, the problem I’m faced with is I do talk to a lot of people and I am sick to the back teeth of texting people asking them to come out and everyone always make an excuse not to. It doesn’t add up as, I DO enjoy clubbing and drinking, but the trouble is I’ve nobody to do it with. The other night I went to a nightclub near the uni where lots of students go myself and felt awkward alone. But I kept going back to the bar, moving up and downstairs and pretended I was texting, and as you’d expect no one especially the girls even seemed to notice I was there.
    When talking to other people in my lectures/clubs, should I ask them to come out clubbing or for few drinks? I kind of expect them to refuse and make an excuse though.

  44. Leah says:

    Hello,
    I feel super unhappy with my uni life right now. I am in my second semester and falling flat at the friend situation. My floor is all pretty talkative, we all get along, but I still haven’t found any really good friends yet. I had one I thought I was really close with last semester but I found out I was wrong last week when she told me she didn’t feel like talking to me and proceeded to not talk for three days and then leave for break without telling me or saying goodbye. I feel like me being friendly just pushes people away.

    Also we have to decide who to live with soon. My uni everyone lives in apartments second year. Everyone has roommates but me, I feel like it is elementary school again and no one wants to pick me. I don’t want to live by myself and now have to resort to classifieds to find a roommate. I have tried many of the things listed but none seem to work and everyone seems to have already found friends. I joined a band and tried to get involved with student committee but I couldn’t get in. I tried asking people in a class out for coffee but I can’t seem to break in and now their schedules don’t let them go for coffee.

    Any suggestions to ways I can improve my lack of friends situation?

  45. David says:

    Hi Gary, Glad to hear you have joined a few clubs, I would pursue that more and hopefully you will make some good friends out of it.

    I wouldn’t recommend going alone to nightclubs you really won’t enjoy it, and people won’t notice you. Most people only meet in a night club as friends of friends etc.

    I would ask people what they are doing and then ask if you can join them, rather than ask them to come out with you, that way you might get a better response.

    Let me know how it goes.

    Best of Luck
    David.

  46. David says:

    Hi Leah,

    Sorry to hear about your lack of luck making friends. It’s difficult to know what to suggest, perhaps consider joining a club if you haven’t already, perhaps a walking club if there is one, they are generally quite relaxing and it will give you a chance to meet people in a situation that is easy to talk in and perhaps make friends with them.

    You never know, you may find a nice person via the classifieds, perhaps some else who has been struggling to make friends too.

    Best of Luck
    David.

  47. Gary says:

    Hi David. Well, the past few weeks have been great, I’ve met a few people I can now call “friends” who are 1st year students, just by talking to them in the bar, and I now feel spoiled for choice. I text them most days and comment on their facebook pages etc. One of them doesn’t live on campus though so we go out to different bars some nights.
    But my problem is female friends.My new friends naturally assumed I wasn’t a virgin and I played along with it. I’m 19 and have never kissed a girl or had any sexual experiences. There is this girl on my course, who I really fancy and I know shes single. I speak to her sometimes in lectures, but don’t really know her. With talking to male friends, I’m confident, but I feel too shy to speak to her or ask her out and remember I’ve no experience with females at all. Should I get to know her better and create friendship first and then ask her out for a meal/drink or to cinema?

  48. David says:

    Hi Gary, glad to hear you are making friends. The more you worry about getting a girlfriend the less likely you are to get one to be honest, try just being friends with girls to start without thinking about relationships with them.

    I can’t really give you much advice regarding attracting girls, other than try and get to know her better, talk to her before and after your lectures, show interest in what she is saying. Once you feel comfortable to then you can ask, or you might find that things progress naturally anyway if the feelings are mutual!

    Best of Luck
    Dave.

  49. mry says:

    i’m also struggling to make friend at uni. as i’m too shy,quiet

  50. Miss LB says:

    Hi there

    I don’t usually post on websites like this but I just thought I’d tell you about my situation – Basically my first year at uni was awesome, pushed through it, made some really good friends and moved in with them second year with 4 other boys who were friends of one of them in first year. They have turned out to be a nightmare and all the other people I get on with are leaving to do placements. In a stupid wime, i signed up for a house with the 4 guys and one girls – none of which I get on with to be honest. So, I bit the bullet and lost my £300 deposit and have started to look for somewhere on my own – I am not overly bothered by this as I have a good bunch of mates on my course who I can see a lot of time in the evenings and have a lot of Uni in the week and come January and Feb I’ll be writing my disseration. I know a lot of people who have lived on there own at uni and working (who are my age, 22) and loved it – everyone else I live with is 18-20 so a big maturity difference when it comes to the attitude for working. I want a first and I cant see myself getting that in the house with them, so going it alone is the best option – but I’m just a bit scared an d the whoel idea of it makes me want to pack it all in and quit. I am going home in 8 days before exams and I dont know if I will ever want to come back. It is just a bit of an awful situation really as I cant even find any one bed flats around cos I’ve left it til March – Any ideas or suggestions or someone been in a similar situation?

    Cheers Guys x

  51. Lollipop says:

    Everyone I know exactly how you feel, and the best thing I can say is keep hanging in there and get on with it, don’t quit uni because of the social aspect because that can only get better.

    My story is similar to most of yours, I was really looking forward to learning something new at uni and experiencing a whole new life, but was dreading being shoved into a flat with a bunch of strangers. I was dreading it even more because I’m not big on clubbing day in day out and am tea total (a barrier in itself when uni seems based on killing braincells via alcohol sometimes!)

    For two months I longed to go home, I made friends on my course happily enough as we were chucked into so many group projects and my flat mates were ok, but they were all major party people and while I was happy to go out only some of the time and the rest of the time focus on work, they went out continuously every night and because I missed out on all these nights out it became hard to click.
    But after Christmas hols things changed, my flatmates (although still clubbing at least three nights a week) calmed down a lot and when they did go out I was always happy to see them with hangovers the next morning and ask about the nights gossip!

    What I’m saying is that what I found at uni was that people put up a front, they were just as cardboard stiff around me as I was around them, living with someone new is so hard you have to put yourself out there and sometimes they put themselves out there as someone completely diff from who they actually are, sit in a communal area and when someone comes in, engage them even if its just a ‘hi whats up’, the more you engage the more they and you relax.

    It takes time and effort to foster relationships and sometimes you’ll find you will have to ‘be the first’ alot to get things going.

    Keep hanging in there everyone x x x

  52. Jamie says:

    Hi,
    I feel that things aren’t what I was expecting at Uni. I had a great circle of friends in sixth form and I thought that University was going to be the same. My grades was not brilliant and I did not get into my first choice. I decided to take a gap year but at the last minute I was persuaded by my parents to go to university. I felt it was a shock to my system. So I moved into a house with some strangers. I then realised that they all party and get drunk. Most of the people I met are like that. Most evenings they go and get drunk in the clubs. Pull somebody and come back at 4am (at the earliest) and play loud music and shout. I hate that. I hate clubbing. My coursemates are very nice but I am not very close to them. Because I live in a student house instead of living in Halls I feel that I have missed out. I am very lonely at uni. I see my housemates getting drunk and getting the ladies and I feel like I am a nobody. I also feel that Television is not my true calling, and I am not the biggest fan of Cheltenham. I feel that it is just the same as home (being in the countryside). I visited my friend at another uni who has a group of friends like I did. He does on day outs, pub in the evening. I feel that I am in the wrong place. It is a week until Easter and I think that I need to look elsewhere, but the social problem I feel may haunt me. I have joined a comedy society, take part in the uni tv channel but I struggle to fit in. Everybody has settled in but me. I am not a clubber. I don’t drink, and there no place for someone like me.
    Jamie

  53. Amna says:

    Dear Jamie,

    please understand that I am writing this because I am in the same position as you; I do not drink nor do I enjoy the clubbing scene… seriously, i wish I were permanently underage so there would be no chance whatsoever of me going to clubs. : )

    Just give it time, you will make friends…. just relax, keep a smile on your face and don’t care what people may think of you; these are the things I am trying to do too.
    My course keeps me very busy and i often find it difficult to leave my room just to go and socialise but try try try, if you look back at high school, you may find that the friends you were very close to in sixth form were the people who got to know over time. Like you, I feel people have their own groups and sometimes I feel that people don’t want to hang with me… I don’t know why but it’s ok… eventually we’ll find someone.

    all the best,
    Amna

  54. Mark says:

    Hi there,

    Having looked at this page, i am relieved to see that i am not the only who has gone through situations at uni like this, with regards to meeting/making/ maintaining friendships. My situation is very similar to some people whom have posted on this blog. I am at the moment a joint hons student studying english and history, whom having just completed my 2nd year last year has just taken a year out of studying (due to unfortunate circumstances), rather than going straight into 3rd year last october. I will be going into my 3rd and final year in september. I will explain my situation below (i am sorry if it seems a quite long, but i feel i cannot really explain my unhappiness at the moment/situation without putting it in context).

    When i first started uni, which was back in Sept 2008, i was also at the same time going through a bad patch as a close relative (my grandad) had passed away a few months earlier and was still grieving, and had not many friends as it was in sixth form previously, and on numerous accounts had felt pressurised into doing things and being bullied. I was a very shy and vulnerable (and some people have told me naive) person (and still am). I went to uni hoping thats things would start to look up again for me, which they did to some extent for a year. I had met some really good flatmates who were really friendly (whom i am still at times keep in contact with today) when i moved into halls, and met some friends on my course, a girl and a boy, who at least people whom acted like they were my “friends”, and started hanging around them more often, till virtually we did a lot of things together (e.g. revision), and i felt that i started to become very close to the girl (friend) particularly but not so far as a relationship, but just as very good friend. Also, i came in contact with an old friend, who went to sixth form with me. This friend, however, towards the end of my school year had become a person whom exerted pressure on me. we fell out at the end of sixth form, but i decided to give him another chance, when i found he was going to be going to the same uni as me. I had spoke to other people on my course (particularly the history group) which they seemed ok to begin with but after a while became very cliquy and at time i felt i didn’t fit in (and this carried on into the next year). I would say i was doing well academically in my first year, and overall socially it went ok. After my first year, me and my flatmates went out seperate ways, and i decided to move into a house with the boy and girl friend whom i met on my course plus the boy who came from sixth form.

    However, it is here at this point (in my 2nd year from the very start) that things changed and went drastically downhill for me, in terms of friends… as i mentioned above, I moved into the house with the boy and girl (friends) plus the boy from sixth form, whom by this time the former became very close friends with the latter. My friends moved into the house 3 weeks before i did, and unbeknowest to me, the boy and girl (friends) from my course had started going out in a relationship. i was not told at all that they were going out with each other till after a month that we moved into the house. However, i was told by the friend (from sixth form) that my two friends (from my course) had said to him that that they did not want me to know about their relationship at all, which for me was very strange to hear. For me, hearing this came as such as blow and deeply hurt and upset me, as it immediately suggested to me that they did not like me, anymore or trust me, or did not want me as part of their friendship or something (despite us getting on in the first year so well). From then on, it seemed like the pair became distant towards me, and the pair started spending time more time with two other people from my course (a girl and boy) whom they pratcically became best friends with, and i felt pushed out of things, and they even starting leaving me out of things/nights out (for no reason whatsoever), preferring to come up with an excuse such as “it was not our right to invite you”, which having spoke to some other people and my parents have told me it sounded like they didn’t want me anymore, as if they were my friends they would have asked me. all of this behaviour from them, led me to becoming depressed, and confined to my bedroom. on top of this, i had became a student rep for my course at the start of the year, and the role of this was to help people with course things and enquiries. i was a sort of person who felt that i should go the extra mile for people. People would ask for help, in terms of printing stuff off for them and they would not come to collect it, all the time saying they couldn’t be bothered etc. all of this, made me feel i was being taken advantage of, and towards the end not wanted by anyone (or friendship material etc). Meanwhile, in the house i was living in, i was becoming more upset and depressed with the way my so-called “friends” were treating me, and there were times i found nasty messages directed towards me on the fridge, and would come in from lectures etc to find my dishes (filled with dish water ) on my bed, and my towels chucked off radiator in the bathroom etc. my supposed “friends” started even looking for a 6 bedroom house, for 3rd year without consulting me till the last minute, and only when they had booked the house. as it was such shortnotice for me and wasn’t discussed with me previously and was far away from uni to walk to (1 hour), i declined, and this made them more hostile towards me. there were times when i just went to the library at night, as i felt so pushed out, and they would play games etc and not invite me.

    anyways, by this time, which was after a few months, and having discovered previosuly that my friends did not want me to know about their relationship, i felt more and more unwanted and it looked more evident. I eventually got so depressed and upset, that i asked my parents to come and pick me up, and leave the house, as i was finding it so unworkable. as it was the girl and boy (from my course) who more i felt pushed me away, i wrote to them a polite email and said that i was deeply upset about the way that they were treating me, and said i was leaving explaing my reasons for doing so. i had tried to work things out with them previosuly before doing so, and they promised things would get better, but they never did and eventually felt the only option was to leave. When i got home the day i left, all i heard was that the girl (friend) was supposed to be upset, and they both took me off facebook etc. and i heard that they didn’t want to know me anymore. the thing was i never intentionally meant to hurt or upset anyone, just to say i was leaving. and also a boy from my course, who i had mentioned they became best friends, sent me a really nasty letter, with swear words in it (to which it was really none of his business and was not to get involved). anyways, in addition to this, i was told when i left the house, that i would not have to pay gas and electricity anymore by my landlord, but i still was willing and continued to pay my rent. however, my friend from school, did not like to hear from the landlord that i did not have to pay gas/electricity for the house (he obviously didn’t read his contract). my parents and i desperately tried to explain this to my supposed friends, however, refusing to listen to this, my supposed “friend” went to police wth regards to this, and sent them to my parents door, which we found quite shocking considering me and family nor me did anything wrong. the police contacted my dad, but reassured him that he himself (the policeman) knew that you did not have to pay electricity once you left a house, and said that my supposed friend was only wasting police time, over nothing. it was at this point i decided to end my friendship with my old friend from school for good, as i felt he betrayed me, rather than help sort the current situation out. however, i tried to months following me departing the house, to try to solve the situation with my other two friends and apoloise etc for leaving , in the hope that our friendship could be salvaged, but they refused to listen and did not want to understand my view. meanwhile things went more downhill for me when i moved home again iast summer, as i was told my grandmother had been diagnosed with lung cancer, which really upset me as i was really close to her. with the stress and upset of this constantly building up and the fact i lost my friends, as i have epilepsy aswell, i had a major seizure during the summer peiod last year, and fell down the stairs, to which i was unconciousness and was sent to hospital. my doctor had shortly suggested afterwards that this fit was serious and was potentially life-threatening. from then on, i have felt continuously unwell and had frequent seizures, i wrote to my friends shortly after this again explaining that with my granny being ill and be having continuous seizures, that we should put everyone wrong of what happened behind us and forgive/forget etc. as i could not handle the stress of the situation anymore, and really wanted their friendship more than ever. however, i heard shortly after this that they were laughing at this, especially the fact that my granny was terminally ill. i went back to uni for 3rd year for two weeks, to which they still blanked/ingored me. it was only 2 weeks after this and my granny passed away, which proved terribly difficult for me and my family. the grief started to take its toll on me at uni, so i decided last november to take a year out. however, i did meet my ex-friends (by this point) one last time before i left, as until then they were reluctant and holding grudges. i thought meeting them again after not seeing them for months that things would have cooled down and they would want to work things out. however, i couldn’t have been more wrong. as they were very judgemental and cold with me (it sounded like they were still holding grudges and were not willing to forgive me leaving the house. they wanted things on their terms) . as this was only just after my granny passed away, they laughted in front of me aving heard this and said i deserved it, which sounded to me like they were really nasty people to do such a thing. anyways, this brought things out in a new light, and i started to believe the things people told me when they said my friends didn’t want me anymore and were just uisng me, and so didn’t bother with them anymore.

    however, i am currently on a gap year since this experience (s), and am about to start my 3rd year in september. I have only one good, genuine friend from my course left (not talking about the others mentioned here) who was in my year and she especially comforted me during my problems with the other friends i was living with, but she will be going on to graduate in the summer period, and will really miss her. the one only question that i would ike to ask, is when i go back as i will not know anyone as my peer group would have left, Its just i am really shy and feel vulnerable and am still hurt from the experiences above, and i am worried that the new people on my course in 3rd year would have built up their friends already and am worried that they may be cliquy like my former course group. I met a couple of new people on facebook so far but thats about it from my course. i was wondering if, it would easy to make the transition in terms of meeting friends again, and if i will fit in somewhere, or if people will be welcoming again (if that makes sense)? Or will this be more harder? (its just someone mentioned to me before that it may be harded to make transition back into meeting friends and more harder to fit in (especially in 3rd year) etc., but i don’t know this is true or not?) This is just something i am really concerned with, as apart from this, the academic side of my course has been going really well. :)

    I am sorry, if this is really long blog, but i felt i could only explain my problem within the current situation i am. I would be grateful if someone could help and advise me with regards to this, but am relieved i am not the only person who has been through a similar experience. :)

    Thanks

    Mark

    • David says:

      Hi Mark,

      It sounds like you have had a really hard time and I am sorry to hear this. However, you still have a year left and there are some things you can do to try and make this one a happier year.

      You mentioned you still have one close friend from your course, and it is good you have her and that stability. Even though she will be graduating will she be staying in the same area? Even if she isnt, it is still easily possible to keep in touch, email, phones and meeting up on weekends.

      As to the other people in your flat etc it sounds like some bullying went on, and it may be a good thing that you arent in their year anymore, as this will allow you to start with a clean slate. When you return in September, don’t go with the assumption that everyone will have made friends already, formed friendship groups and will shun you out. This will certainly not be the case. As you mentioned above, you are not the only one who has situations similar to yours regarding friendships, so there may be someone in that year who hasnt yet found their feet. There will also be other friendly groups who wont mind welcoming in a new person. Just dont rush things, accept it may take a bit of time, talk to the people in the new year and I think you will be able to slot yourself in.

      Another thing you can try, which I point out quite often as I feel it is important, is try and join a club/society. There are numerous uni clubs who offer a wide rage of hobbies. You very often find very different types of people in each one, so it is worth trying a few out and talking to members to see which one you prefer. You might find that a club like walking may be more relaxed. Another thing I have found is that age is less important in societies; people join in all years of uni, and people stay around, so there will be younger people than you and older people than you, it will not matter that you are third year.

      Finally, you still have 6 months left of your gap year, so have some fun! Relax, and do things you wouldn’t normally have the time to do in uni.

      Hope all this makes sense, and I hope this year and your uni year goes better for you. Let us know how it goes.

      Regards

      Dave

  55. Joe says:

    Hi.Well I’m nearing the end of my first year at uni and socially its been a disaster. All I basically do at night is go to the local pub and sit myself. I did go out with a few guys at freshers but nothing ever came of it and we just lost touch and they stopped answering my texts. I’ve tried joining clubs but it has not really helped at all and ive tried talking to people on my course, but if I ask anyone to come out for a drink, play golf, go to cinema or go shopping, or for lunch I always get an knockback and an excuse that they’re busy. The uni year finishes in about a month after the exams and I’ve got a flat for next year, though I don’t know who I’ll be staying with. Is it too late and should I put this year on a backburner and try again next year? The thing is coming home from the pub earlier I saw a group of students waiting on a taxi ready to go to a nightclub and I thought that should be me. What do I do?

    • David says:

      Hi Joe,

      Sorry to hear about your first year troubles. Put it into history now and move in into second year, hopefully things will go better. The start of second year i start a fresh, start by going out to clubs and societies and trying to make new friends that way. If you share a common bond it is often easier to make friends.

      Best of Luck
      Dave

  56. mr taylor says:

    im in my second year at uni. Its been a terrible experience for me as due to having social anxiety ive been unable to meet anyone. i also believe people will make judgements of me even before they get to know me and when im around people i panic a lot and this has led to me living in solitude. Im considering leaving uni and returning home at the end of this year as i simply cannot carry on with life as it is its too tough.

    • David says:

      Try and stick it out mr taylor, you’ve paid alot of money to go to uni, try and stick it out if you can, you may not get another shot otherwise, especially with the fees going up.

      Try and seek some guidance from your tutor, university counseling service or perhaps your parents if they are willing to listen/

      I hope your third year goes better.
      Dave.

  57. adam fj says:

    Hi, i am already nervous going to university,

    reading all these comments about how hard it was i am even more nervous now and I think i might just stay at home now or somet

    • David says:

      Hi Adam,

      You may struggle to make friends initially, but ultimately you should not let your fears hold you back. If you want to go to university, and it is something that will benefit your career then go. There will be other people like yourself at university, you just have to find them.

      Best of Luck
      Dave.

  58. Mike says:

    Hey Guys,

    Im in my second sem, first year and im finding it really hard to make friends. I missed O-week however i still had alot of confidence. In the first few weeks i would go out for a smoke and if i found someone smoking i would start a conversation with them. It would turn out great but after that they would vanish. I remember finding someone who was sitting alone in the lectures and i would sit next to them and start a conversation. But after that they would vanish. I remember making people laugh in my tut class of about 15 people and then they all vanished. I started getting paranoid thinking do i smeel bad? do i look funny? is what im wearing okay?

    Afterwards my roommates moved in. I was really looking forward to it as i just love going out, clubing etc. My 2 roomates were a disaster. They were socially awkward and both would stay in their rooms all day. I thought to myself there goes Plan B. I had another plan in mind however. I went outside my room and started talking to others, having a smoke, saying hi, saying ‘hey guys mind if i join you? And i met some really nice people. But after that they just vanished.

    It seemed like no one would give me a second thought.

    After that it went down hill from there. Confidence was zero. I stopped attending my lectures because i hated the the thought of being rejected again and sitting by myself. I have friends from high school and i see them about 3 times a week and we hang and drink and stuff but im sick and tired of depending on them. Not having friends at uni or in the student compound is so frustrating. I feel like moving out to another area but that would mean breaking my bond and losing $660 (dads money). I asked if i could move to another room they said no. So now im in my second sem, just passed sem 1 (im surprized i didnt fail i was so depressed) and i feel like what happened in sem 1 is happening again in sem 2.

    Another thing that pissed me off through out all of this is that not 1 person walked up to me and said hi. Why do i always have to be the one to go up to people and start a convo or say ‘howz it going guys’? Why cant they start one with me for once? IS this a good thing meaning im just not shy or is this a bad thing meaning nobody is interested in me to walk up to me and say hi?

    I dunno what to do anymore, i find myself in my room most of the time. I hate uni and i hate studying. I started to question if the course is right for me, and i have started to question if uni is right for me. Im not being myself. Im usually confident, funny, with not a care in the world of what other people thought about me. And now i look at myself and it really makes me wanna cry. Ive even started to think about going back to believing in god, because i turned atheist a few years ago. Ha. I also thought about going to a shrink or the school counselor.

    Things are just so messed up and i would appreciate any feedback. Thanks for reading guys :) peace.

  59. David says:

    Hi Mike, sorry to read about your experience at uni, I have to admit as well it annoys me that I always seem to have to be the guy that initiates conversations with people, it’s the way of things unfortunately. Best of luck.
    Dave

  60. Peter says:

    Hey,
    I started my second year a few weeks ago. My problem is I have never really had many friends. At secondary school, all my friends from primary disappeared and I had no friends and was quiet. I went away to uni, hoping to make a fresh start, and I did make a couple of friends. But they have girlfriends and seem to be more interested in spending time with them than going out drinking or socialising with me.
    I feel so alone, also I have been in my flat for 3 weeks now and as ridiculous as it sounds I haven’t spoken to or seen any flatmates due to my shyness. I don’t really use the kitchen facilities, so haven’t seen them. I want to go and meet them, but my lack of confidence stops me. Also, where am

  61. LT says:

    I’m almost 5 weeks into Uni now, and I have made very few friends. And by very few I mean none. My flat mates love each other and are on the same course, they only ever want to go out and get hammered, they smoke in our non-smoking flat, wake me up in the early hours, and, as people, I don’t really get on with them. Soooooo no lasting friendships there.

    At lectures there’s this group of people I sometimes sit with, but they don’t really give a damn about their education, often skip lectures and just have a really bad attitude. I’m not a geek but the whole reason I’m putting myself through this is for the degree at the end. They always want to go out during the week but we have 9am lectures every day so because I’m not socialising with them, I’m starting to become the awkward clingy one of the group. They make fun of me for taking so many notes in lectures and for being so organised.

    I joined a few societies but everyone seemed to turn up with people they’d already met from halls so it was really hard to break into these pre-formed groups.,,, and even harder to actually get anyone’s number. It just got even more awkward every week because they all saw each other between meetings because they live together, and I was just the odd-one-out-loser-kid.

    I know from reading all these comments that there must be some sound people at this uni in the exact same position as me… I really wish I knew where they were hiding. :(

    I’m just really lonely, which makes it hard to study so I’m not even doing well in my course.

  62. polite says:

    Can having no friends interfere with your studies?

  63. I don't know what to do says:

    Hi,

    I’m nearing the end of my first year in uni and have made quite close friends with my flatmates. The issue is that theyre both couples with each other. I have no worries with being a third wheel, I’m fine with that. Its just that now the two couples are fighting with each other because Couple A don’t like to go out all the time and leave social events early (eg they’ll just up and leave the pub for no apparent reason, or theyll say theyre going out and then back out at the last minute). I personally have no problem with this, it is a little anti-social at times but I don’t believe in forcing people to do something they don’t want to. Couple B were your typical cool kids in high school, dont try hard and party all the time. Couple A are people who know their limits and dont make an effort with something they don’t want to do. They also don’t go out of their way to get people to like them.
    I’m doing a particularly tricky course and work really hard, but Couple B don’t respect this, I go out when I can and make a big effort with everyone. I have spent the whole year listening to all of them go on about their couple issues, home issues etc. I have been patient and given people advice, and respected that they need their couple time when im on my own quite a lot. I have not complained to them at all about this.
    I feel like I make a lot more effort with couple B than they do with me. Couple A make an effort to invite me out places like shopping and to the cinema and stuff. The issue is that Couple A are alienating themselves from other friends we have (all guys, all with girlfriends that the Boys from couple A and B play footie with) from the anti-socialness. I don’t want to be tarred with the same brush, I like all the guys in that group and get on with Couple B well, but I feel like couple A care about me more and make more effort with me. What do I do? I don’t want to be alienated from the couple B and football guys crowd, but I don’t want to ditch couple A as friends just for “popularity”. I feel like this is kind of behaviour should have stopped when we were 14 not 19 and 20. I don;t know what to do. This morning the guy from Couple B posted a facebook status saying he cant be bothered with “w*nkers who f up the rest of our lives, saying theyre going to go out and then staying home all night…already moved on have fun being outcasts”. I stayed home because i have an exam tommorow, i went to the drinking session and chatted with everyone and joined in, i just didnt go out clubbing or get wasted, for obvious reasons. The other couple A left early and didnt talk to anyone much because other people didnt come talk to them. I’m worried im one of the “outcasts” but i dont want to go out of my way to make nice to people who would just dislike me because i dont want to go out all the time. It just upsets me that ive been really supportive of all of them and they keep getting into petty arguments and I don’t want to take sides but I don’t want to lose anyone.

  64. Melanie says:

    My main problem is I dont get along with the people in my course and I’m going into my third year now so I dont know if I’ll really meet anyone else, also my real friends are back at home about forty miles away. I guess in this situation you just have to try and stick it out and focus more instead on what you want to achieve at the end and just “try” and get on with a couple of people in the class. Theres about two people that I get along with out of a rather large class and we never really bother with each other outside of class, but they seem decent enough so it helps to have someone to sit next to in class. Just think about graduating and your other friends at home will still be there when you get back, foremost dont let other people ruin your uni experience

  65. Lady J says:

    Hi everyone,
    I’m just starting my second year, and I don’t think I’ve gotten a good night sleep, all of August, considering the fact, that I really don’t want to go back. I hated my first year. Throughout all of high school, and elementary, I was badly bullied, and changed school 3 times, as well as staying back a year. During my years of bullying I was forced to grow up much faster than, then the rest of classmates. Due to the fact I was so bullied I spend a large portion of my childhood in the company of my parents,and their friends, as well as hangout with my parents friends children, who where generally, 4-6 years old than myself.

    I matured, much faster and find no pleasure, in b****ing about, ” this one, did this to this one, and so and so, will never get a boyfriend because… and omg did you see what snookie said on whatever show last night”. Don’t get be wrong I love shows like the new Hawaii 5 0 , and vampire diaries, and a bit of drama, but don’t feel it need to become part of my everyday life.

    I find it difficult, to have an enjoyable conversation, with someone who is in the same age rang as myself.
    I work at a restaurant and bar, and many I meet there, often peg me for being 24 years old, because of the way I present myself, and are shocked to find i’m only 19.

    I truly enjoy hangout with people who are 23- 24, because I get along with them much better. Often my parents and their friends have said this is because I was forced to grow up much faster, and mature a faster rate. However, when I meet people of that age group, after they discover i’m only 19, they tend to run for hills.
    Guys and girls included.

    Please don’t take what I’m about to say in a snobby way, because i’m just looking for some advice, and feel you can’t give advice if you don’t fully know the person. -I’m a pretty, girl, i’m athletic, I take pride in my appearance, and always try to go that extra mile for every person I meet.
    But, i’m often ditched by the girls my age I hang out…
    I love going to a bar and dancing and having a fun time, but I don’t like getting drunk, I like a social drink, but it’s not my mission to be plastered, but it’s no fun when you turn around, and find the people you can with, left you standing there like an idiot, and went somewhere else. So many nights I’ve walking home alone, just holding my tears back till I got to my room, and you cuddle up in my bed.

    I’m tired of being alone, I spent my whole high school and elementary years alone, waiting to go to uni, because so many told me that, that’s where it will happen for me, i’ll friends that will be their for me, to laugh with, and have real fun memories.
    I don’t want to get up in the morning and feel like here’s another lonely day, I don’t want to go the gym alone, I don’t want to sit in class alone, then come home to my rent house, and go to my room and do my homework knowing that that’s my excitement for the night.

    My grades are slipping because of this, I’m not sleeping, I feel sick every morning and i’m starting to feel like I made the wrong choice going to uni. It’s killing my parents to see me like this…

    What do I do???

    Thanks
    Lady J

  66. Jeeky says:

    Hey!

    I’m currently in my second year at uni now, I’m living abroad, in France, I moved out here a few years back & I am absolutely hating my second year.. Which come as a great surprise to me seeing as my first year was amazing. I am not shy, but not really an extrovert either.. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, yeah I miss her during the week, but we’re together every weekend. I just dunno why I’m not enjoying this year, I’ve got a few friends at uni but feel terribly lonely, all the time.. I’ve started skipping lessons & I’ve just had this feeling of absolute burning hatred for uni.. I wanna leave.. It’s costing me a fortune and I’m hating it.. Should I leave? or should I finish my course? Only one more year ’til my Bac +3.. I just feel like I’m wasting my time… Any advice??

    Thanks..

  67. Alice says:

    Hi Elle,

    I came across this as i am in such a bad place at uni right now and i really want to leave. I love the course and the subject i am studying but i am hating uni life. I feel like i have no friends and I’m the type of person to have that one close friend and i haven’t found that person yet. My dad passed away 18 months ago, i have a boyfriend and i am finding everything just so hard right now. I read your comment and you said you moved uni’s? I was so happy to get into the uni i got into it was amazing for my subject and i know my mum will be disappointed if i leave but i just can’t seem to stay there. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. i have a good uni near me (not as good as the one as i am at now) its about 20 min/half hr drive from my house so i could live at home. I am just about to go into my last term in my 1st year so i feel as i have given it a long time and nothing is working out. are you pleased you moved uni’s? did you find it hard to make friends?
    Thank you
    Alice

  68. Valerie says:

    Hi,
    Read some of the comments on this website this afternoon and I want to cry. My son who is 21 years has almost completed his second year at Uni and both years have been very lonely for him. He has tried hard to intergrate with his house mates but they stay in their rooms. They do not go out as a house or socialise. His tutor groups basically will use him for information but that’s it. They will call when they want to know something about the course etc. He was bullied at secondary school quite badly and thought uni would be a refreshing start. My son does not fit a certain stereotype and this has been held against him. He is into Animee, rock music, vocalised music etc which others make judgements on and often he is targeted as a joke. He feels he has no one for him at all. He has now left his Uni house and returned home and will travel for his exams only. No one from his house has probably even noticed he is gone. His two years at Uni has been very distressing for me as there have been times I thought he would end his life. I just want him to be accepted for who he is by a nice group of people. We live in Bedfordshire can anyone advise me.

    A very sad mother,

  69. leedsmet says:

    i can relate to many of these comments.
    i’m just finishing my first year and I’m
    quite gutted to say i’ve made no real
    friends here. For months i regarded a
    group of girls here as friends.
    i signed the contract to move in
    with them and on.that night i found out they’d
    been keeping stuff from me. i.e. my boyfs
    behavior when he visited. this left me humiliated
    an i now know i cant trust them. and come to think
    of it we dont have much in common. i feel like i only
    hang round with them because i have no one else,
    and thats awful! i am a quite confident girl and have
    trustworthy friends backk home. pleasse can i have advice,
    i want to meet people like me who i can hit it off with!

  70. Beccy says:

    I wish I’d found this page a year ago. I am 19 and last year, was a fresher at Brunel. I found the experience daunting, horribly painful and I contemplated going home many times, however stuck it out. Whilst in Brunel, I realised the uni wasn’t for me. I have come away from it with little friends, although I did make friends with 5 boys in my flat, and my advice to people feeling lonely is friendships come with time, believe me! However, I didn’t like being in the sticks of London and when I had originally applied for Brunel I had been unsure about university and overall, i made the wrong choice of location. My boyfriend is at Newcastle and by visiting him throughout the year, I discovered I loved the area. I am now waiting to go to Northumbria next year.
    However, my dilemma is that I’m transferring into 2nd year. I’m scared about making friends and living in halls with freshers, and worried that coursemates will have already made friendships in 1st year.
    Uni is disguised as a socially brilliant and amazing time, and I feel freshers is a way to cover up the intense loneliness that many people have. People put on a front and I found myself quite alone in saying that I was unhappy at uni, and eager to leave.
    I hope my next 2 years in Northumbria will be better, I’m just very nervous!!

  71. A confused mum says:

    My heart breaks when reading some of your posts but hope you have all managed to find the direction which suits you. Our daughter has finished her 2nd year and has madesome fantastic friends – they met when they moved into halls then shared 2 flats in 2nd year. She lives them and her social life (being really quiet before she went and not having a big circle of friends we worried about this)
    Our problem is she has to do her 3rd year abroad and is now saying she doesnt want to go, doesnt like her course and will only get a 2:2 which she says isnt good enough (i thought a pass was a pass whatever the grade!)
    We are now sick of arguing over this- my husband said for her to pack in if shes unhappy- i can see that but have said shes halfway through but then feel like im forcing her into doing something – i asked her how she will feel when all her friends graduate and she doesnt if she finishes and she admitted she would be devastated.
    Dont know if taking a year out or deferring would help if she doesnt want to do the course but want to be supportive instead of arguing with each other.

    Help please

  72. Tiatia says:

    Hi,
    I moved into my halls 3 days ago and have hated every minute so far. There are 12 people in my flat – one I had about a 2 minute conversation with, I went in to say hi to two girls and all I got was a high back and then they basically asked me to leave, there are two other girls but they are VERY different to me. I made a tea with another girl but she was busy when I asked her if she wanted to drink it in my room so we could get to know each other and I haven’t seen any of the others :/
    At 6th form I had a only a few but very close friends and I’m a very quiet person. I don’t drink and don’t like clubbing and that’s all my flat seems to do, other times they are discussing their sex lives and that makes me really uncomfortable as I think that should be quite a private issue.
    I have been to one induction seminar (the rest start in a week) but everyone seems to already be in groups and I’m not the sort of person that just walks up to someone and introduces myself so I was left on my own. I’m going to join a club but not sure it’s going to help as my self confidence has been knocked lower than what it already was over these last few days .
    I was so excited to come to uni as i thought it would be a new start and now i absolutely hate it. I know its only early days but The last 2 nights I’ve spent crying in my room watching a soap to try and take my mind off of it…. Not the Uni life I’d planned!
    Sorry for the long boring comment…. I don’t really want to tell my mum as she was worrying about me already and for her to hear I’m not getting on will really upset her :’(

    • E.N. says:

      i have the same issue, im in the suite style dorms and everyone tends to hang out with the people from their suite. All of my suitemates either stay in their rooms or hang out with friends that they already have here. i really dislike it here because it gets so lonely, like my dorm isnt even on campus its across the street (5-10 minutes away), and this just makes it even harder

  73. mel says:

    hi, i am about to go into my second year now and to be honest i am completely dreading it/struggling with everything. I found freshers year ok, had a lot of homesick, troubles with a horrible boy and not doing as well i as hoped with grades. I made some friends however now I’m not sure about them as they are ignoring me and its as if im invisible. However i do have some good memories of first year. Now ive moved into a house with these so called friends, still being completely ignored and left out. This makes me really upset as i thought we all got along but obviously not. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes i feel uni isn’t for me at all and i should just leave but at the same time if i leave i have no idea what id do. I have spoke to my mum and some friends outside of uni however they just say stick at it. I know i should but i am seriously struggling, like right now I’m in tears and just want to be at home with my family.

    Any advice or guidance would be so so grateful.

    • Shan says:

      Hey, I feel the exact same way. I’m also in my second year, second semester.I do live on my own off campus. My first wasn’t too bad but this year I feel so isolated.. I feel like I have no friends and last year, I had a roomate which was also a really good friend and we dont talk anymore either… I feel like tranferring to another college but I only have another year after this, so it seems like a waste…Sorry, I dont have advise but I thought maybe being able to relate would help…

  74. Miss ILD says:

    hey
    I am in my second year of uni at Sheffield hallam, my first year was not great, I was in halls and only had a flat of three people who were quite introvert people so they just use to shut themselves in their rooms so I found it difficult in fresher’s week as they never wanted to go out! I spoke to all my friends back home about uni and they were loving it so I didn’t want to say I wasn’t enjoying it as there wasn’t anything they could really do! but I spoke to one of my friends at Manchester about and us to run away I guess to her as her and all her flat in Manchester welcomed me with open arms, as I had I applied for Manchester met as well I just get upset that I could of had what she has if I went there instead! I am in a house now with 4 other girls, but still find myself sitting in my bored and lonely which is not who I am and I am hating it a lot! I really don’t know what to do I have always thought of what if I did that but I cant always think what if because that is not helping me at all!
    my Uni life is really not what I expected at all! and I am such a different person here then I am at home and I don’t like it!
    I hope someone has got some advice for me!
    thanks

  75. E.N. says:

    Hey guys! I feel a little weird because I’ve never posted anything on a site like this, but here it is. So next week it will be a month since i moved in to my dorm. The way my uni works is that there are 3 different dorms, two of which are on campus. I was placed in the apartment style one, so am technically off campus (not too far, just 5-10 minutes away). The way these work is, we have three rooms with 2 people per room, so there are 6 people (including me) in my suite. I like my roommate, we get along ok (we were friends in high school, but never really close); my suitemates are nice people as well, but i don’t click with any of them. Our relationship is like that of two people that only talk while in class, but now out of class. Anyway, the place i am living in feels so lonely, like it is so easy to isolate yourself here; thus making it hard to meet people. I’m a shy person and i am not into the partying and drinking scene which the people around me seem to be. My neighbors all stay within their suites and only really talk to their suitemates, i don’t do that, we all have different schedules and rarely hang out. We just don’t click well together. My housing assignment is nice in that the rooms are bigger and we don’t have communal bathrooms, but i don’t like it here. I get really lonely and i hate it, i can’t really think about it without wanting to cry. A friend that i made suggested i get a room transfer, and now the idea has been stuck in my head. I don’t know what to do! I feel like i want to, but i’m scared that i might now like it, and have to be stuck there the rest of the year. Also, i will have to move all of my stuff to the new room. I want to make the switch, but i feel bad for leaving my roommate and suitemates. Should i go for it? I don’t want to regret it, and i do feel like i should take the opportunity (its just a bit easier to stay where i am since i know my roommate and suitemates) . Should i just go for it? I will be allowed to meet my new roommate if i move to the residence halls on campus)

  76. Light says:

    Hi
    I am currently on my 8th week of uni and i am hating my university experience. I have strongly considered dropping out over these last few weeks because ive been so miserable since I came here. I dont really have any friends at uni-both on my course and in my halls. I get on okay with the people I share a kitchen with, they are nice people, but we just have such different personalities that it can be really hard to keep a conversation going. Also during freshers week I had an accident where I got a horrible cut on my face and now I have a scar on my face that has really destroyed my confidence and it makes it all the worse that all the freshers know about it and I catch them staring at me and whispering about me as I walk past them. I feel that this also makes it difficult to talk to new people as rumors have went around campus about what happened to me which are militius and false!

    This horrible experience is even affecting the friendships I have back home- even when im with my friends from back home I struggle to be happy as im just so down over university and I can feel that they are fed up with me and my moaning.

    Sorry for the long post but I just feel I had to get it all out, any advice would be appreciated on this

    Thank you

  77. emz says:

    I’m in my first year and at first I got on really well with my flatmates, but as the weeks went by it got more and more cliquey and I got more and more pushed aside (or so it felt, I always feel like the odd one out or like people don’t want to be speaking to me)
    And well so it got to the point where I was so frustrated and was hating my course and a coule of my flatmates pissed me off so much I went online and vented on a forum; I thought I had a pretty good degree of anominity, but apparently not. one of my flatmates saw and subsequently showed everyone one else.I feel like a moron. I just want to cry all the time now as I cannot even look at any of them anymore so I’m stuck in my room. I want to move rooms more than ever, there’s no way I can get over this.
    I struggled when I got here and now I just feel like dropping out.

  78. Hawk says:

    Having got into the university I have always wanted to go to I am finding it really hard to get on with the work, live , socialise and overall do anything I jus can’t wait till the end of th day when I can go to bed, curl up into ball and just sleep (note I fell seriously ill in the first few weeks and don’t think I have been right since this it also made me fall behind in my work and I still. Haven’t caught up basically due to excessive tiredness). I find myself having to force myself out of bed in the morning and I know that this isn’t giving me the best aura and probably puts a lot of people off talking with me. Everyone around me is excitingly talking about renting out student houses next year with all their friends Etc even though I have managed to make a small group of friends I don’t think any of them particularly want to live with me next year which is a bit gutting since when I bring it up they say they’re going to get a house with their course mates or that they have reached the maximum amount of People which is fair enough. I suppose I am just a bit fearful of not getting accommodation next year or something stupid like that or that they possible don’t like me at all but I don’t want to think this since I do generally think they are amazing nice people and don’t want to damage that image of them though seeing the world through rose tinted spectacles isn’t always the right thing to do, is it?

    I am also really finding it hard to get on with the work that is set for us to complete I have 5 essays due after Christmas and I know it is imperative to start them now. I have somehow managed to start looking at them and collecting some literature to assist me complete them but whenever I think about them it just makes me want to break down into tears; which is really strange for me since I normally have a get up and just do it attitude. I think the best way to describe what has happened to me is I’ve lost a lot of self esteem and confidence and the fight has been sucked out of me.

    I don’t know if I’m the only one who is going through this but I just feel like packing in my degree course and going home. I have always been a huge family person; not a day hasn’t gone by since now where I I wouldn’t sit down with my family and eat a meal with them and I think this is probably having quite a large impact.

    If anyone has any advice I’d be really appreciative I just think my whole character and who I am are changing drastically in a way I don’t like and I really don’t want this to happen since before coming to uni I really was an outing going rather optimistic person.

    • Tom says:

      Hi ‘Hawk’,

      I think I’m in a relatively similar situation to you. I’ve lived in the same house for 18 years in a little village, had a really close group of about 10/15 mixed friends back home and I was generally the centre of it.

      It’s all about expectations. I half had in my mind that uni was where you go and ‘find yourself’, try new things and make long term friends. Which is half true, but it’s all about who you have around you. I think it’s important to remember you’ll always be who you want to be. You obviously prefer being the outgoing, optimistic guy, so when you’re situation changes for the better (be it after christmas, next year or after uni), then that’s who you’ll be.

      The moving in one is tricky. I wouldn’t hang on your flatmates if neither are keen. You’ve got to think if you haven’t clicked with them this year, they’re probably not people that you would want to spend another whole year with anyway. Do you have people from back home up as well? I’ve found I speak to them a lot since moving up, which is kind of my problem that I almost only see them socially, but they’re good to have. Worst comes to the worst, there’ll likely be people looking for one flatmate or that there’s one room free who you don’t know. That would be good to get thrown into a group of people.

      Because of a course I did at college, I had essentially done my first year content there. So I’ve gone into second year and I’m only here for two years, which is why I think I feel so pressured to find a group of friends.

      I think people view uni differently. I’ve got a friend who’s studying something he’s interested in but has never studied before. He’s on a 4 year course and has got flatmates that he really gets on with. He’s in a situation where he’s going to go out a lot, try new things and ‘find himself’. I already know what I do (music production) quite well from being pro-active and driven at college, therefor I’m only here for two years and I think Uni will feel more like a ‘stepping stone’ to the industry.

      I don’t know. Sorry, I talk a lot when I get started. Haha, good luck!

      (out of interest, what city are you in?)

  79. Uni girl says:

    Hi
    I am in my 1st year of uni and am LOVING it. Get on with all my flatmates and people I live around and have made some fab friends at uni and those on my course. My only worry is that my choice to live at home and commute for my second year will take me out the loop of my friends in halls- I don’t want to be left out. I don’t think I will, but I’m a bit anxious. I will only be in for 2 half days next so could not justify the money it would cost for 2 days.
    Anyone who has been through this- please reassure me!!
    Ps those who aren’t enjoying uni- get out there!! Trying is a big part, if you don’t try you won’t make friends. Talk to anyone!!!

  80. Lucy says:

    I started university in London four months ago and it’s been a really up and down experience I’m so glad I found this site and finding that other people are going through the same as me – it’s so easy to feel you’re alone.
    My first few weeks were really rough, my long term boyfriend broke up with me, I was feeling very vulnerable and homesick and just fell into this awful state of depression to the point where I had considered just ending things. I tried counselling but felt like nobody was taking me seriously.
    Because I isolated myself I found myself not making many friends and although I am close to my flatmates I feel they don’t socialise very much. I really don’t enjoy my course very much and therefore I’m not motivated to do any work for it which is awful because I worked so hard to get here.
    Me and my boyfriend did end up getting back together but I don’t want to lean on him or rely on him too much and I’ve never felt more lonely in my entire life. I feel like I have no friends and I can’t concentrate on anything. I wish I knew where everyone was hiding so people feeling like me could get together and help eachother because it is really difficult to feel this alone. Making friends is never as easy as it appears.

  81. Jen says:

    I am due to start uni in September and I am a quie and introverted person. I am seriously considering renting a flat with my boyfriend, who starts uni in the same city in September too. I hate clubbing and I drink but don’t go further than ‘tipsy’. I enjoy working and want good marks in my degree, and would rather stay in most nights than go out. Despite this, I still want to have my own friends. Do you think I would be better renting with my boyfriend or giving halls a try?

    • L says:

      Hey,
      I came across your comment and couldn’t believe how like me you were! I hate clubbing and I never let myself get too drunk and I try to keep my head down for work.
      I met my boyfriend at uni and we’re moving in together next year with five other people. Although it’s really tempting (I would have loved it to be the two of us) it is so risky and can be isolating. If anything goes wrong (which I’m sure it won’t of course) then you will have nobody near you to turn to. Through my first semester this sort of happened to me and there is no worse feeling. I would try to move into halls and see your boyfriend as often as possible.
      If you go into halls in the first year you could try what I’m doing and move in with people you’re both friends with. That way you’re together but not just the two of you and you can both stay in whenever you like. That’s my plan anyway. I just don’t want you to feel like I do right now, very lonely as if I have no friends because you spent so much time with your boyfriend. Although the main reason for this is that me and my boyfriend share such similar interests and we’re very happy just being left together to do our own thing. But I do completely understand. I just thought after finishing my first year I could offer some advice.
      If you do go ahead with moving in together then good luck and I hope everything works out! Hope this helps a little.

  82. Jay says:

    Hi guys, my first year at uni’s is nearly over and I’m really not enjoying it at all. I made the wrong decision, I thought if I came to a Uni where no one really knew me then I could make a fresh start and maybe have a better chance but I can see now that was the wrong choice. I had one friend who was going into the second year but she commutes and she’s only in three days so I hardly ever see her and I came with a really close friend, I helped her get in through clearing and she stayed with me for the first week, she found a place in halls in the same block as me but she didn’t want to stay so she commutes aswell and she really enjoys it and has made friends on her course and what makes it worse is she’s lost contact with me and whenever I text her I get one word or short answers. I felt as though I didn’t really belong during freshers and I told my mate coz she stayed with me and she never really understood she just said I was being paranoid and getting my degree was the main reason I was here. My flatmates are really nice girls, I live with 4 other girl atm and we used to go out abit before christmas but after christmas they all stick to their own or go out and leave me alone. I just feel really depressed because the course I actually wanted to do I couldn’t so my course was changed the week I came to Uni and I feel as though I haven’t really got anyone to talk to. I don’t drink so I get left out mostly because of that. And I can’t talk to my parents because they told me not to go to this uni but go to one with my friends and all my other friends that are at uni are really enjoying it and have made some great mates and they’ve all lost contact so I can’t even talk to them. I really wanted to transfer but i’m just so scared of what my parents will say and disappointing them and the fear of failing. Its just become really bad emotionally and I’ve lost weight, I can’t sleep or eat anything and I’m not really performing academically to what I know I can achieve. I literally cry myself to sleep every night. I don’t know what to do.

  83. Nami says:

    I am just starting my second year of uni with literally no friends. Last year I had some casual acquaintances in my classes and that was fine, we got along well enough and got through the courses together. Now this year we’ve all split off into our majors and I don’t know anyone! Everyone in my major has a group already and I feel so left out. Our pracs are group work and it gives me severe anxiety to think I won’t have a partner. I live alone on campus and spend every single day alone. I eat alone, study alone, do everything alone. All my friends from high school went to different unis and they’ve got heaps of friends, gradually forgetting about me.
    I will report back at the end of semester to see if my situation has improved at all.

  84. G says:

    Oh my god you guys! I’m so glad I’ve found this site, so many people seem to be in the same situation as me and my housemate which is to just have loads of casual acquaintances and not really feel we connect to anyone! I spent the first 6 weeks of first year going out and doing fresher type stuff and societies and feeling like I had made loads of new friends, and then everyone in my flat who I thought were nice just started talking about the drama that had happened on the nights they’d been out and I wasn’t one to agree at every opportunity because I like to concentrate on my work.

    The only people I now talk to from first year really are a couple of people that I somehow stayed in touch with but I also met them in Fresher’s, also I kinda talk to people I made friends with and went to a society every week . It’s like there is a critical period, the first 6 weeks or so of first year, where you have to meet up with people and kind of FORCE yourself onto or you’re screwed, you’ll just feel alone and they’ll divide into that. If anyone on this page has any ideas on how to change this , to make those 6 weeks more accessible to everyone rather than people who just go out clubbing, shoot ‘em. I might have to join a committee in third year that can help make these events more enjoyable and less daunting for those of us who prefer a quieter night. Any ideas?

    SORRY FOR THE DUMP

    On the bright side, there’s actually seeming to be a new opportunity every year to join a new society at the start during Fresher’s, I think that’s a chance we all get. I sat next to someone in a lecture at the beginning of my first term of second year and now we do kind of talk a bit. I also joined anew society who were very willing to make friends with me.

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