As for thickness you can add 1 tablespoon of flour or cornflour to the mix about 10 minutse from the end and it will thicken pretty quickly.

There are small bottles of cooking wine you can often get for £1.25 ish in some shops, however a good subsitute would be to use tarragon. It’s not the same taste but it will ensure there is a rich taste still. You could also add paprika to give an earthen spanish taste to the dish. If I do this I often add chorizo and peppers in as well.

Dave.

The mix was a bit oily though but perhaps that was from when I fired the onions and chicken?

Will try it again with double cream and see if I can get it a bit thicker. I did it for an hour this time.

Would you recommend anything as a wine substitute?

Thanks!

At lectures there’s this group of people I sometimes sit with, but they don’t really give a damn about their education, often skip lectures and just have a really bad attitude. I’m not a geek but the whole reason I’m putting myself through this is for the degree at the end. They always want to go out during the week but we have 9am lectures every day so because I’m not socialising with them, I’m starting to become the awkward clingy one of the group. They make fun of me for taking so many notes in lectures and for being so organised.

I joined a few societies but everyone seemed to turn up with people they’d already met from halls so it was really hard to break into these pre-formed groups.,,, and even harder to actually get anyone’s number. It just got even more awkward every week because they all saw each other between meetings because they live together, and I was just the odd-one-out-loser-kid.

I know from reading all these comments that there must be some sound people at this uni in the exact same position as me… I really wish I knew where they were hiding.

I’m just really lonely, which makes it hard to study so I’m not even doing well in my course.

Dave.

My best advice would be to join a university club, one that you will enjoy the activity, that way you can meet people with a similar outlook.

Best of luck
Dave.

Im in my second sem, first year and im finding it really hard to make friends. I missed O-week however i still had alot of confidence. In the first few weeks i would go out for a smoke and if i found someone smoking i would start a conversation with them. It would turn out great but after that they would vanish. I remember finding someone who was sitting alone in the lectures and i would sit next to them and start a conversation. But after that they would vanish. I remember making people laugh in my tut class of about 15 people and then they all vanished. I started getting paranoid thinking do i smeel bad? do i look funny? is what im wearing okay?

Afterwards my roommates moved in. I was really looking forward to it as i just love going out, clubing etc. My 2 roomates were a disaster. They were socially awkward and both would stay in their rooms all day. I thought to myself there goes Plan B. I had another plan in mind however. I went outside my room and started talking to others, having a smoke, saying hi, saying ‘hey guys mind if i join you? And i met some really nice people. But after that they just vanished.

It seemed like no one would give me a second thought.

After that it went down hill from there. Confidence was zero. I stopped attending my lectures because i hated the the thought of being rejected again and sitting by myself. I have friends from high school and i see them about 3 times a week and we hang and drink and stuff but im sick and tired of depending on them. Not having friends at uni or in the student compound is so frustrating. I feel like moving out to another area but that would mean breaking my bond and losing $660 (dads money). I asked if i could move to another room they said no. So now im in my second sem, just passed sem 1 (im surprized i didnt fail i was so depressed) and i feel like what happened in sem 1 is happening again in sem 2.

Another thing that pissed me off through out all of this is that not 1 person walked up to me and said hi. Why do i always have to be the one to go up to people and start a convo or say ‘howz it going guys’? Why cant they start one with me for once? IS this a good thing meaning im just not shy or is this a bad thing meaning nobody is interested in me to walk up to me and say hi?

I dunno what to do anymore, i find myself in my room most of the time. I hate uni and i hate studying. I started to question if the course is right for me, and i have started to question if uni is right for me. Im not being myself. Im usually confident, funny, with not a care in the world of what other people thought about me. And now i look at myself and it really makes me wanna cry. Ive even started to think about going back to believing in god, because i turned atheist a few years ago. Ha. I also thought about going to a shrink or the school counselor.

Things are just so messed up and i would appreciate any feedback. Thanks for reading guys peace.

Try and seek some guidance from your tutor, university counseling service or perhaps your parents if they are willing to listen/

I hope your third year goes better.
Dave.

Sorry to hear about your first year troubles. Put it into history now and move in into second year, hopefully things will go better. The start of second year i start a fresh, start by going out to clubs and societies and trying to make new friends that way. If you share a common bond it is often easier to make friends.

Best of Luck
Dave

It sounds like you have had a really hard time and I am sorry to hear this. However, you still have a year left and there are some things you can do to try and make this one a happier year.

You mentioned you still have one close friend from your course, and it is good you have her and that stability. Even though she will be graduating will she be staying in the same area? Even if she isnt, it is still easily possible to keep in touch, email, phones and meeting up on weekends.

As to the other people in your flat etc it sounds like some bullying went on, and it may be a good thing that you arent in their year anymore, as this will allow you to start with a clean slate. When you return in September, don’t go with the assumption that everyone will have made friends already, formed friendship groups and will shun you out. This will certainly not be the case. As you mentioned above, you are not the only one who has situations similar to yours regarding friendships, so there may be someone in that year who hasnt yet found their feet. There will also be other friendly groups who wont mind welcoming in a new person. Just dont rush things, accept it may take a bit of time, talk to the people in the new year and I think you will be able to slot yourself in.

Another thing you can try, which I point out quite often as I feel it is important, is try and join a club/society. There are numerous uni clubs who offer a wide rage of hobbies. You very often find very different types of people in each one, so it is worth trying a few out and talking to members to see which one you prefer. You might find that a club like walking may be more relaxed. Another thing I have found is that age is less important in societies; people join in all years of uni, and people stay around, so there will be younger people than you and older people than you, it will not matter that you are third year.

Finally, you still have 6 months left of your gap year, so have some fun! Relax, and do things you wouldn’t normally have the time to do in uni.

Hope all this makes sense, and I hope this year and your uni year goes better for you. Let us know how it goes.

Regards

Dave

You may struggle to make friends initially, but ultimately you should not let your fears hold you back. If you want to go to university, and it is something that will benefit your career then go. There will be other people like yourself at university, you just have to find them.

Best of Luck
Dave.

reading all these comments about how hard it was i am even more nervous now and I think i might just stay at home now or somet

Having looked at this page, i am relieved to see that i am not the only who has gone through situations at uni like this, with regards to meeting/making/ maintaining friendships. My situation is very similar to some people whom have posted on this blog. I am at the moment a joint hons student studying english and history, whom having just completed my 2nd year last year has just taken a year out of studying (due to unfortunate circumstances), rather than going straight into 3rd year last october. I will be going into my 3rd and final year in september. I will explain my situation below (i am sorry if it seems a quite long, but i feel i cannot really explain my unhappiness at the moment/situation without putting it in context).

When i first started uni, which was back in Sept 2008, i was also at the same time going through a bad patch as a close relative (my grandad) had passed away a few months earlier and was still grieving, and had not many friends as it was in sixth form previously, and on numerous accounts had felt pressurised into doing things and being bullied. I was a very shy and vulnerable (and some people have told me naive) person (and still am). I went to uni hoping thats things would start to look up again for me, which they did to some extent for a year. I had met some really good flatmates who were really friendly (whom i am still at times keep in contact with today) when i moved into halls, and met some friends on my course, a girl and a boy, who at least people whom acted like they were my “friends”, and started hanging around them more often, till virtually we did a lot of things together (e.g. revision), and i felt that i started to become very close to the girl (friend) particularly but not so far as a relationship, but just as very good friend. Also, i came in contact with an old friend, who went to sixth form with me. This friend, however, towards the end of my school year had become a person whom exerted pressure on me. we fell out at the end of sixth form, but i decided to give him another chance, when i found he was going to be going to the same uni as me. I had spoke to other people on my course (particularly the history group) which they seemed ok to begin with but after a while became very cliquy and at time i felt i didn’t fit in (and this carried on into the next year). I would say i was doing well academically in my first year, and overall socially it went ok. After my first year, me and my flatmates went out seperate ways, and i decided to move into a house with the boy and girl friend whom i met on my course plus the boy who came from sixth form.

However, it is here at this point (in my 2nd year from the very start) that things changed and went drastically downhill for me, in terms of friends… as i mentioned above, I moved into the house with the boy and girl (friends) plus the boy from sixth form, whom by this time the former became very close friends with the latter. My friends moved into the house 3 weeks before i did, and unbeknowest to me, the boy and girl (friends) from my course had started going out in a relationship. i was not told at all that they were going out with each other till after a month that we moved into the house. However, i was told by the friend (from sixth form) that my two friends (from my course) had said to him that that they did not want me to know about their relationship at all, which for me was very strange to hear. For me, hearing this came as such as blow and deeply hurt and upset me, as it immediately suggested to me that they did not like me, anymore or trust me, or did not want me as part of their friendship or something (despite us getting on in the first year so well). From then on, it seemed like the pair became distant towards me, and the pair started spending time more time with two other people from my course (a girl and boy) whom they pratcically became best friends with, and i felt pushed out of things, and they even starting leaving me out of things/nights out (for no reason whatsoever), preferring to come up with an excuse such as “it was not our right to invite you”, which having spoke to some other people and my parents have told me it sounded like they didn’t want me anymore, as if they were my friends they would have asked me. all of this behaviour from them, led me to becoming depressed, and confined to my bedroom. on top of this, i had became a student rep for my course at the start of the year, and the role of this was to help people with course things and enquiries. i was a sort of person who felt that i should go the extra mile for people. People would ask for help, in terms of printing stuff off for them and they would not come to collect it, all the time saying they couldn’t be bothered etc. all of this, made me feel i was being taken advantage of, and towards the end not wanted by anyone (or friendship material etc). Meanwhile, in the house i was living in, i was becoming more upset and depressed with the way my so-called “friends” were treating me, and there were times i found nasty messages directed towards me on the fridge, and would come in from lectures etc to find my dishes (filled with dish water ) on my bed, and my towels chucked off radiator in the bathroom etc. my supposed “friends” started even looking for a 6 bedroom house, for 3rd year without consulting me till the last minute, and only when they had booked the house. as it was such shortnotice for me and wasn’t discussed with me previously and was far away from uni to walk to (1 hour), i declined, and this made them more hostile towards me. there were times when i just went to the library at night, as i felt so pushed out, and they would play games etc and not invite me.

anyways, by this time, which was after a few months, and having discovered previosuly that my friends did not want me to know about their relationship, i felt more and more unwanted and it looked more evident. I eventually got so depressed and upset, that i asked my parents to come and pick me up, and leave the house, as i was finding it so unworkable. as it was the girl and boy (from my course) who more i felt pushed me away, i wrote to them a polite email and said that i was deeply upset about the way that they were treating me, and said i was leaving explaing my reasons for doing so. i had tried to work things out with them previosuly before doing so, and they promised things would get better, but they never did and eventually felt the only option was to leave. When i got home the day i left, all i heard was that the girl (friend) was supposed to be upset, and they both took me off facebook etc. and i heard that they didn’t want to know me anymore. the thing was i never intentionally meant to hurt or upset anyone, just to say i was leaving. and also a boy from my course, who i had mentioned they became best friends, sent me a really nasty letter, with swear words in it (to which it was really none of his business and was not to get involved). anyways, in addition to this, i was told when i left the house, that i would not have to pay gas and electricity anymore by my landlord, but i still was willing and continued to pay my rent. however, my friend from school, did not like to hear from the landlord that i did not have to pay gas/electricity for the house (he obviously didn’t read his contract). my parents and i desperately tried to explain this to my supposed friends, however, refusing to listen to this, my supposed “friend” went to police wth regards to this, and sent them to my parents door, which we found quite shocking considering me and family nor me did anything wrong. the police contacted my dad, but reassured him that he himself (the policeman) knew that you did not have to pay electricity once you left a house, and said that my supposed friend was only wasting police time, over nothing. it was at this point i decided to end my friendship with my old friend from school for good, as i felt he betrayed me, rather than help sort the current situation out. however, i tried to months following me departing the house, to try to solve the situation with my other two friends and apoloise etc for leaving , in the hope that our friendship could be salvaged, but they refused to listen and did not want to understand my view. meanwhile things went more downhill for me when i moved home again iast summer, as i was told my grandmother had been diagnosed with lung cancer, which really upset me as i was really close to her. with the stress and upset of this constantly building up and the fact i lost my friends, as i have epilepsy aswell, i had a major seizure during the summer peiod last year, and fell down the stairs, to which i was unconciousness and was sent to hospital. my doctor had shortly suggested afterwards that this fit was serious and was potentially life-threatening. from then on, i have felt continuously unwell and had frequent seizures, i wrote to my friends shortly after this again explaining that with my granny being ill and be having continuous seizures, that we should put everyone wrong of what happened behind us and forgive/forget etc. as i could not handle the stress of the situation anymore, and really wanted their friendship more than ever. however, i heard shortly after this that they were laughing at this, especially the fact that my granny was terminally ill. i went back to uni for 3rd year for two weeks, to which they still blanked/ingored me. it was only 2 weeks after this and my granny passed away, which proved terribly difficult for me and my family. the grief started to take its toll on me at uni, so i decided last november to take a year out. however, i did meet my ex-friends (by this point) one last time before i left, as until then they were reluctant and holding grudges. i thought meeting them again after not seeing them for months that things would have cooled down and they would want to work things out. however, i couldn’t have been more wrong. as they were very judgemental and cold with me (it sounded like they were still holding grudges and were not willing to forgive me leaving the house. they wanted things on their terms) . as this was only just after my granny passed away, they laughted in front of me aving heard this and said i deserved it, which sounded to me like they were really nasty people to do such a thing. anyways, this brought things out in a new light, and i started to believe the things people told me when they said my friends didn’t want me anymore and were just uisng me, and so didn’t bother with them anymore.

however, i am currently on a gap year since this experience (s), and am about to start my 3rd year in september. I have only one good, genuine friend from my course left (not talking about the others mentioned here) who was in my year and she especially comforted me during my problems with the other friends i was living with, but she will be going on to graduate in the summer period, and will really miss her. the one only question that i would ike to ask, is when i go back as i will not know anyone as my peer group would have left, Its just i am really shy and feel vulnerable and am still hurt from the experiences above, and i am worried that the new people on my course in 3rd year would have built up their friends already and am worried that they may be cliquy like my former course group. I met a couple of new people on facebook so far but thats about it from my course. i was wondering if, it would easy to make the transition in terms of meeting friends again, and if i will fit in somewhere, or if people will be welcoming again (if that makes sense)? Or will this be more harder? (its just someone mentioned to me before that it may be harded to make transition back into meeting friends and more harder to fit in (especially in 3rd year) etc., but i don’t know this is true or not?) This is just something i am really concerned with, as apart from this, the academic side of my course has been going really well.

I am sorry, if this is really long blog, but i felt i could only explain my problem within the current situation i am. I would be grateful if someone could help and advise me with regards to this, but am relieved i am not the only person who has been through a similar experience.

Thanks

Mark

please understand that I am writing this because I am in the same position as you; I do not drink nor do I enjoy the clubbing scene… seriously, i wish I were permanently underage so there would be no chance whatsoever of me going to clubs. : )

Just give it time, you will make friends…. just relax, keep a smile on your face and don’t care what people may think of you; these are the things I am trying to do too.
My course keeps me very busy and i often find it difficult to leave my room just to go and socialise but try try try, if you look back at high school, you may find that the friends you were very close to in sixth form were the people who got to know over time. Like you, I feel people have their own groups and sometimes I feel that people don’t want to hang with me… I don’t know why but it’s ok… eventually we’ll find someone.

all the best,
Amna

My story is similar to most of yours, I was really looking forward to learning something new at uni and experiencing a whole new life, but was dreading being shoved into a flat with a bunch of strangers. I was dreading it even more because I’m not big on clubbing day in day out and am tea total (a barrier in itself when uni seems based on killing braincells via alcohol sometimes!)

For two months I longed to go home, I made friends on my course happily enough as we were chucked into so many group projects and my flat mates were ok, but they were all major party people and while I was happy to go out only some of the time and the rest of the time focus on work, they went out continuously every night and because I missed out on all these nights out it became hard to click.
But after Christmas hols things changed, my flatmates (although still clubbing at least three nights a week) calmed down a lot and when they did go out I was always happy to see them with hangovers the next morning and ask about the nights gossip!

What I’m saying is that what I found at uni was that people put up a front, they were just as cardboard stiff around me as I was around them, living with someone new is so hard you have to put yourself out there and sometimes they put themselves out there as someone completely diff from who they actually are, sit in a communal area and when someone comes in, engage them even if its just a ‘hi whats up’, the more you engage the more they and you relax.

It takes time and effort to foster relationships and sometimes you’ll find you will have to ‘be the first’ alot to get things going.

Keep hanging in there everyone x x x

I don’t usually post on websites like this but I just thought I’d tell you about my situation – Basically my first year at uni was awesome, pushed through it, made some really good friends and moved in with them second year with 4 other boys who were friends of one of them in first year. They have turned out to be a nightmare and all the other people I get on with are leaving to do placements. In a stupid wime, i signed up for a house with the 4 guys and one girls – none of which I get on with to be honest. So, I bit the bullet and lost my £300 deposit and have started to look for somewhere on my own – I am not overly bothered by this as I have a good bunch of mates on my course who I can see a lot of time in the evenings and have a lot of Uni in the week and come January and Feb I’ll be writing my disseration. I know a lot of people who have lived on there own at uni and working (who are my age, 22) and loved it – everyone else I live with is 18-20 so a big maturity difference when it comes to the attitude for working. I want a first and I cant see myself getting that in the house with them, so going it alone is the best option – but I’m just a bit scared an d the whoel idea of it makes me want to pack it all in and quit. I am going home in 8 days before exams and I dont know if I will ever want to come back. It is just a bit of an awful situation really as I cant even find any one bed flats around cos I’ve left it til March – Any ideas or suggestions or someone been in a similar situation?

Cheers Guys x

I can’t really give you much advice regarding attracting girls, other than try and get to know her better, talk to her before and after your lectures, show interest in what she is saying. Once you feel comfortable to then you can ask, or you might find that things progress naturally anyway if the feelings are mutual!

Best of Luck
Dave.

Sorry to hear about your lack of luck making friends. It’s difficult to know what to suggest, perhaps consider joining a club if you haven’t already, perhaps a walking club if there is one, they are generally quite relaxing and it will give you a chance to meet people in a situation that is easy to talk in and perhaps make friends with them.

You never know, you may find a nice person via the classifieds, perhaps some else who has been struggling to make friends too.

Best of Luck
David.

I wouldn’t recommend going alone to nightclubs you really won’t enjoy it, and people won’t notice you. Most people only meet in a night club as friends of friends etc.

I would ask people what they are doing and then ask if you can join them, rather than ask them to come out with you, that way you might get a better response.

Let me know how it goes.

Best of Luck
David.

Also we have to decide who to live with soon. My uni everyone lives in apartments second year. Everyone has roommates but me, I feel like it is elementary school again and no one wants to pick me. I don’t want to live by myself and now have to resort to classifieds to find a roommate. I have tried many of the things listed but none seem to work and everyone seems to have already found friends. I joined a band and tried to get involved with student committee but I couldn’t get in. I tried asking people in a class out for coffee but I can’t seem to break in and now their schedules don’t let them go for coffee.

Any suggestions to ways I can improve my lack of friends situation?

Best of luck, feel free to post back here and let us all know how things have gone.
Dave.

A sports club may well help you find some more friends, I would try out a few and see which ones you fit in to the most, there are still cliques in sports clubs so it may still require quite a bit of effort to make new friends. Have you tried talking to the people on your course, they may also be a good place to try and make friends – they may also have a similar outlook on life to you.

Best of luck, there is plenty of time to find friends, age is not a particular issue at uni and you may find you make friends with people in the year(s) below you or above.

David.

I am a fresher still at the moment, just started my second semester. Unlike almost all other freshers at my uni, I am living in private halls. All my flatmates are second years from the other university in the city, and already know each other and have their groups of friends. (The reason I am in these private halls is because at the time of sorting out the accommodation, I couldn’t afford the deposit. I come from a very poor background so my parents couldn’t help and I didn’t have enough EMA saved up. I explained my situation to the university accommodation people, but they were unsympathetic. By results day in August, I had managed to save up enough to pay for my accommodation deposit, train tickets ect, but the university could not offer me any were to stay (+ they made me wait 3 days to tell me that!). With uni starting just under 2 weeks later, it was a very stressful and difficult time trying to find somewhere to live. I think I got the last private accommodation room in the city.) But anyway, I was alone in my flat for most of the first week, and so I ended up missing freshers week. When my flatmates finally arrived, I got on with them all ok and I’ve even being out with them a few times. But that’s pretty much it for social interaction. I am always sat alone in lectures and only really have acquaintances.

Like other comments have suggested, I have joined a walking (and other out-doors-e-stuff) club and really enjoy this. So far, the people who I’ve met within that, I get along with very well, but outside the club, I don’t really see them.

I would really like to have some friends and people to hang out with but I don’t have anyone at the moment. The time has just about come were everyone is beginning to look for somewhere to live for next year. Unlike many of the people above this post, the city I am in has many private accommodation halls so I can easily get a place there. But, the uni has ‘around 100 places for continuing students’ so second years can stay on in them. I have the booking form in front of me now. I think this will be the best option for me. I will be put with other second years all from my university. I hopefully might be able to make friends with them. I missed the freshers experience this year, maybe I can do freshers next year?
I am concerned that by now, friendship groups have formed and I will not be able to break into any.

I have read every comment above this one and can genuinely empathise with everyone’s situation. It’s so sad to know that people like us will exist at every university in the country. Like one of the above posts says, university union’s need to do things more to help people like us, instead of just focusing on the drinking aspects and the people who already have friends.

As I am only just over half way through my first year, I’ll try to stay positive and hope things will get better in the future. I genuinely hope that the situation for everyone above who has made posts in the past did turn out to be more positive or will be more positive in the future. I wish everyone who has posted and everyone who reads this page the very best for the future.

Despite my gut instinct about my flatmates, I agreed to move in with them when they asked. This commenced my second year and the worst year of my university life so far. The clique mentality only increased and I could feel them shutting me out, to the extent where they would leave the room when I spoke, as well as bitching about me when they got back from nights out. I don’t know if they thought I couldn’t hear, but it hurt a lot. I don’t know what I did to deserve any of this; I have always tried to be as polite and friendly as possible. Needless to say it really brought me down.

As a result, I built a really strong bond with the people I didn’t live with, be they people on my course or friends I knew before I came to uni. It was through the latter that I met the girl who is now my flatmate. We get on amazingly well and have such a great time together. It’s my last semester now and it’s been the best year yet. My only regret is not realising quicker that the people you meet in halls don’t have to be your future housemates.

My tip for people struggling with their halls or housemates is to not see them as your only oppurtunity for a social life. There are plenty of societies you can join and most people on your course will be willing to chat. If you have a spare hour between one lecture and the next, try asking someone you’ve struck up a conversation in lectures or seminars with if they want to go for coffee.

Just wanted to let all of you know that things do get better. Sometimes it takes time to find poeple that you click with, but belive me it does happen.

In the first couple of weeks i have spoken to people who were sat by themselves.Or stood outside the room when they are on their own before the lecture starts, so that i can walk in with then and ask to sit next to them and start convosations.

After doing this for the first two weeks i have found some people that i really get on with, and i am carrying on developing those friendships

now i have a small group of people that i can potentialy go clubbing with. and people that i can go shopping with. or walking to lectures with, and maby live with next year.

As for flatmates, it’s neither good or bad. I am living with them, i get on with them and civil to them we have our ups and downs.

They’re still are really clicky but they all do the same types of course, there is one that doesn’t but she is uasually in the flat bellow with some of the people on her course.

Just remember they can put you in with people that you wouldn’t usually have in your friendship groups, but as long as your pleasent and can get along with them thats fine. i find it’s my course that i find the people that i really want to be around.

Take it from someone who is quite shy and take alot of time to get use to things, and a tad bit socialy awkward

after starting uni my confidence has grown and a little less scared to talk to people. Feeling better about semester 2 now,now that i know how to talk new people.

This year..I had (what I thought) was a great freshers – got on with my flatmates straight away and seemed to meet loads of people..however I’ve since realised that my flatmates are cliquey and bitchy, and all they ever want to do is drink and go out – it all seems very fake, as much as I like going out it’s nice to just hang out and not drink, but I have a couple of lovely people that I’ve met, thats what’s important

I have friends on my course..well I go to lectures with them, I’m just not really sure how to hang out with them more to be honest – I dont really have money left to do anything and I only ever see them at lectures and inviting them round here or going round to their’s would be weird.. i dont know what to do, any advice?

And about course friends – obviously like I said, I have made some friends but not close ones, just to sit with at lectures but remember – you’re going to be with these people three years! there is plenty of time, just make sure in seminars and stuff you say something to them – gradually, over time you’ll start to get to know each other – and in second year the numbers get smaller and everyone gets to know each other a bit better – seminars are much better to meet people than lectures so focus more on them to find people!

One more thing to say – uni is built up so much and so many people go on about how great a time they’re having, you dont realise how lonely everyone gets sometimes – and they do, they just might not show it, also I dont think it’s too important to have a ‘group’ at the end of the day it’s much nicer to have even one genuine friend who you can hang out with and really get to know rather than these huge, fake groups you see around – a lot of those friendships will never last, trust me, I’ve seen it happen!

Thanks for replying. I will try to put more effort into making friends by joining some sports clubs this week. I have briefly discussed how I feel with my family but I don’t want to worry them by saying that I am not enjoying it at all. They did not want me to move out of home. My mum insisted on me finding a uni close to home so that I could commute everyday but I did my research and did not like the sound of the unis around where I live.
I feel so happy when I come home at the weekends and when I go back to uni, I feel depressed again

I’m sorry to hear your uni experience isn’t quite going the way you hoped.I wouldn’t worry about what year people are in, yes they will leave earlier but you can still have a good year together! Having stayed at the same uni to do my undergrad and PhD I know the feeling of one minute being surrounded by friends and the next having them dotted over the country, don’t worry about it you can still keep in touch and viist them at weekends. If you join a club as well I’m sure you will rapidly make friends as well, perhaps consider one like the walking club where lack of experience will not be an initial problem when joining late in the term, saying that, most clubs will cater for a beginner whenever they join!

Good luck
Dave

Ive been at my uni for over a month now, and all I can say is, it hassnt been great. Ive been so depressed because all my close friends from school and college, i had to leave them all behind.

When I got here I thought I was going to get on with people as I like to go out drinking and socialising with people. But my confidence just wasnt there and I havent made friends at all here.

I know my housmates and neighbours, but everytime they go out they leave me behind without telling me anything. And I feel so alone on my course because everyone seems to have a friendship group already and Im left out.

There are 45 ish people on my course and they all seem to know each other. For two years I had one class with about 8, and we all got really close lke a family.

Now Ive left them all behind and for some reason I cant make friends with people,Ive tried I really have, and my confidence has just gone. I know its only been a month, but if this is what its going to be for the next 3 years, I cant live like that. I ‘ll have to pull out, I cant be alone for that length of time, even if the course is brilliant and just what I wanted…

Best Wishes
Dave.

It may be old but its relavent for every Freshers week every year, don’t worry!

Best of Luck
Dave.

Cann’t wait to actually get going!

Thank you for responding to my note, i knew that some people were having problems but i never really knew how many!

I have taken to the Badminton society, so hopefully they are sociable but not to drink oriantated! So i will definatly give that a try.

As for Flats i will probably give it the weekend and see how it goes if it is still the same i may just enquire about moving to somewhere else

I will stick to my course and see how many people i wil meet, there are many people in the Buiness school so there must be someone i get along with.

Anyway, thankyou for replying. I will definatly carry on with it as it is only freshers week and nothing has really started yet!

Thanks again

EI

Sorry to hear you are finding it difficult, don’t worry you are not alone the popularity of this page in the last few weeks has absolutely sky rocketed as people struggle with the uni experience. Just stick with it, and I recommend going to that society they are often a good place to make friends. If you aren’t into drinking much then look for quieter socities that perhaps are not into that kind of thing, the walking club for example usually attracts quieter people than the rock society!

Best of Luck
Dave.

I have spent 6 days at University so far, and to say the least i am not exactley have the greatest time like everyone says that Uni is.

when i left home i didn’t exactly have many friends, they are all still at college and have boyfriends, and i never really got into their Drinking culture, so i drifted from them.

I thought that University was the break i needed, but so far i haven’t really met anyone. I found people on Facebook before i came but they are in a different building to me, so i find it hard to say anything to them.

As for flatmates and course mates i am finding it hard to talk to people, i can have a conversation with flatmates for ten minutes or so but they allways go back to their rooms, and i feel like they are not engaging in what i am saying, and like what most of you have mentioned they all seem to be clicky

I am different from them since out of 8 of us there are 7 girls (including me), they are all into the same thing, however i am more on the Tomboyish side, thought i was getting somewhere when we went out on an indie night, but the 2 girls i was with decided to leave since it wasn’t their thing and left after half an hour.

i have found one girl on my course who i get along with, but she Comutes, so she is not on campus. Every time a lecture says find someone you have never spoken to it allways seems like people have imeadiatly found someone leaving me there to look like i am actually taking part somehow, by talking to this girl i have found.

I have signed up to a society but haven’t been yet so i don’t know what the people there are like.

I am not sure weather i should move to a differnt flat or not, or weather it is me who is too shy and incapeable to make friends,since i have allways found it hard to.

Thanks,

Do you know if I can buy my Young Person’s Coachcard in Heathrow airport? I want to buy it before I get my tickets so that I can get inmediately a discount in my first tickets. I found this useful blog and I hope you can answer my question! Thanks!

Caro

I hope this shows people that even when the world is working against you, you can still make friends.

I also reccomend anyone who doesnt like their accommodation to move. I wish i had. I tried, but the accommodation officers were absolutely useless and told me i hadnt had time to ‘settle in’, by the time i was allowed to move, others had already moved halls and the only spaces left were with 2nd and 3rd years. Its just that its easier to get closer to people you live with, which made it hard for me when it came to choosing housemates for next year.

Also, remember, that your there to do a degree, making friends is just a bonus. But HAVE FUN, go out and talk to people, even acquantances, they dont have to be close friends!

I kept thinking that through my 1st year, and it got me through!

RB
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Best Wishes
David.

Well-researched! I’ve spent the last week or two getting together student broadband deals and the most striking thing I’ve noticed is how they obfuscate the actual cost involved!

Eg. Orange Max was the worst culprit, claiming to be “from £6.50″, whereas the actual cost was £17 per month and the reduced price is only for Orange customers. Virgin are just as confusing, with the package costing less *with* line rental.

One thing that is worth mentioning when recommending O2 and Be as you did – the advertised speeds are likely to fall short, as they get slower the further users are from the exchange. At least with Virgin (and increasingly BT) you do actually get what you pay for (at uni I’m on V myself so can attest to this!)

Totally agree with only recommending 12 month/unlimited contracts to students btw!

I was really good friends with this girl who I met on facebook on a freshers site and we became really good friends. She became good friends with my flatmates too and then suddenly started going out with them and not with me, coming round and spending her time in my flatmates rooms. Then when it came to actually finding a house and I couldnt get the money together in 24 hours (ridiculous) and also after she said she’d stick with me as i was the original friend but she went off and got the house with all my flatmates leaving me with NOONE. Which TOTALLY scared me…

Now though, I made friends with a girl from my course who I’m going to be living with next year. However, she has loads of other friends everywhere which she knew before she started uni. I feel like I’m relying on her and I don’t like it because I don’t even really like her that much (two faced and bitchy etc). I also think she has some kind of problem with me having a boyfriend as she spends most of her time trying to pull which I obviously don’t take part in. I feel like my relationship status is getting in the way too and that I give off that “taken” vibe.

Ahhh it’s all so hard… it’s nearly the end of this uni year (my first) and I’m just really disappointed with how its been…

Sorry that was longg!!:( xxx

David

I am in the same situation as most people who have commented on this blog. Originally I was accepted to read history at the University of York and I was extremely proud to have accomplished getting into what was then a top 10 University. Unfortunately as a rather shy person I found the whole fresher’s experience overwhelming. In my first night at halls I withdrew within myself as my housemates started playing strip poker and asking questions about our sex lives, something I said I thought was private which resulted in many of the housemates keeping me up all night with cherry knocking on my door at 2/3/4am, sticking speakers up to my door and playing music at full volume into my room at 2/3/4am and lobbing bottles at the roof which kept me awake because the roof was my ceiling. I remember that the whole uncomfortable experience shredded what confidence I did have to make friends with these people and within the week I had asked the student accomodation services to move house which they rejected so I had to transfer back home to Plymouth where I have lived with my parents and commuted into Uni ever since. I started the degree at Plymouth after freshers so everyone had their friendship groups cemented and every time you try to make new friends you are treated as ‘that guy in the lecture’ and blanked once the lecture is over. My first 2 yrs at Plymouth have been lonely. I have gone to clubs/societies but again I have been unable to make friends largely because friendship groups already exist with older students and new recruits go to the clubs with friends hastily made at halls. It is strange since I have friends from school, at work, at my sports club and get on well with people of all ages outside of uni. I am in my 3rd year now which I will treat as work and not stress myself out about making friends when I have less than a year to go before graduation. I would say that in my experience I think I was unlucky at York as I was an introvert amongst extroverts, and with Plymouth I think I came to the uni not really thinking I would be studying there and living at home so I was again overwhelmed, shy and slightly depressed. I arrived late so it has been a painful experience of having to try to make friends when others are not looking for them and each time you go into seminars and ‘group presentations’ are the order of the day I feel physically sick as all the friendship groups work together and myself and a few others are left staring blankly at the lecturer, knowing that you look like a complete social recluse. What I would say from my experience is that I realise I can work and go about my daily routine on my own and that in my situation I think I am suffering the curse of the ‘late arrival’ who it seems needs to be a big extrovert to muscle in on tightly knit friendship cliques. I always try to smile and start a conversation, never appearing too pushy and desperate, and to some extent I have made a few aquaintances, but in terms of friends, no I can’t say I have made any at Uni, which is sad but I know that I am not alone and the University system should really focus less on the happy hour drink culture of its SU’s and more on the unhappy almost invisible students who turn up for lectures and go back home or to their rooms depressed and isolated. More definitely has to be done on the part of the university itself, particularly as we pay extortionate fee’s for a program of study that has been dragged out to 3 yrs for financial gain. As for me I think University has scarred me to an extent in terms of my confidence but I am not going to give up on the basis of a negative experience so I am currently thinking about enrolling on a post grad degree at a university away from home (maybe not as far as York this time) but away from the routine that currently makes me feel like a school student rather than an independent university student. All I can say is learn to be comfortable on your own, and keep on trying to make friends. Look forward not back.

Martin

This year it’s started to bother me a little that I haven’t made any friends at university. (There’s only one person I met in first year, but she’s since changed some classes so I see her very occasionally.)

I don’t drink so feel really out of place at the evening events that run (I didn’t go to Freshers) and feel a little terrified at the thought of joining a club where I don’t know anyone.

I’m contemplating moving out in third year to somewhere near the university (though I’m really anxious about leaving home which is partly why I haven’t as of yet).

I think it’s a little too easy for me to go to classes and just come straight home but I find the thought of walking up to someone and talking to them a little daunting (particularly when I’ve tried this in the past and mostly been blanked).

And too easy to say, well classes are in the morning and clubs/activities are in the evening, so I can’t really go can I?

Just needed to put this all somewhere…

Living at home, i knew i had to make an extra effort on my course. However i found the people very hard to gel with often finding myself on my own in lectures and free periods. A situation im not used to, after having tight groups of friends at school, college and my 1st year at a previous uni. A situation that can make u feel u want the world to swallow you.

After my mum told me ‘never be afraid to be on your own’. I’ve developed a few tips that can help you deal with this:

- Consider time in uni and your social life as seperate things. I now treat uni as a day of work making me more dedicated to my studies.

- Remember the uni day isnt very long (few hours) you’ll soon be back home/in halls.

- Take in your favourite novels and newspapers to read in the canteen on your frees. I notice a lot of people do this as well. Your not alone!

- Always join uni socities. I havnt been on my course socials as i havnt found anyone specifically to go with. However i have been on a lot of my society socials as everyone has something in common!

Despite my course being a bit of a let down on the social front, i have still made my short time at my new uni so far very enjoyable. I have many friends outside of my course who i see in the evenings and im now more dedicated in my lectures than i was before.

I hope this helps the thousands of students in a similar position and those even thinking of dropping out because of it. Im sorry this dosnt solve the problem but it helps you cope with it. Be strong and remember that time spent alone needn’t ever be time wasted.

Good Luck

If you find you can’t get along with your flatmates at university, and you live in university accomodation, then if you ask (the university accomodation people) they may well let you move to another location. They may want you to try and stick it out for a while first, but likely chance is they will have some free rooms lurking around to transfer you into.

Regards
David.